Boston Celtics by the numbers:

  • 2008 Record: 15-2
  • 2007 Record: 24-58
  • 2008 home record: 9-0
  • Average Margin of Victory, 2008: 12 points
  • Number of times giving up 100+ points: 4 (3 in regulation)
  • Kevin Garnett 2008 stats: 19.5ppg, 11.3rpg, 3.8apg
  • Ray Allen 2008 stats: 19.6ppg, 4.5rpg, 3.4apg
  • Paul Pierce: 20.9ppg, 5.4rpg, 5.2apg
  • Big Three Combined Stats, 2008: 60ppg, 21.2rpg, 12.4apg
  • Big Three Combined Salary, 2008: $52,112,028
  • Raptors 15-Man Combined Salary, 2008: $62,312,141

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Welcome to game two of the 4 game Suckstravaganza! At least with Bosh and Bargnani out (our two best KG defenders – if you remember correctly, Bargnani played very good D on KG last game – didn’t even cross the border with the team) we can squash any expectations of victory right out of the gate.

Yes, we did force them to overtime in Toronto, and yes, that was in the P.J. era (pre-Jamario), and yes, the rest of the Celtics are one Scalabrine away from being that group of intimidating, athletic urban* males terrorizing the rims of your local streetball court, but suck when you actually play them because they don’t pass, dribble with their head up, or play D…but it doesn’t matter. You’ve got two HOF players in Garnett and Allen, one perennial All-Star/Tiny Person Enthusiast/Knife Sharpener in Pierce, and they could play in Pelle Pelle jeans and Timbo’s and still take the W in the raucous TD Banknorth Garden.

* I didn’t say black. Yeesh.

The Raptors are a much deeper team, able to call on more weapons from it’s arsenal, but again, it don’t matter (just don’t bite it!). The Raptors may have a team full of automatic machine guns, but the Celtics have three BIG BAZOOKAS.

Pierce, Garnett, and Allen on fishing vacation, August 2007.

Girl Talk: Paul Pierce

The only thing Paul’s new chick (and the chick is just temp) is kicking around is DUST. I’ve been to his homes. None of his main door mat chicks know how to keep a home let alone their “man” at home. If Julie is Pregnant with Paul’s baby then so am I.yeah Boo boo I’m pregnant too!

More ‘door mat chicks’ should learn to cook and clean, though that’s probably what they’re trying to avoid in the first place.