ShamSports

Clippers, Blazers, Sonics. Reads like a 3-0 swing. But unless I can get my time machine to work (should’ve sprung for the Home Depot installation), we’ll have to settle for 2-1 in a best case scenario. The worst case, however, is much worse than 1-2. It’s a message to Phoenix, San Antonio, and Houston: “We’re coming over to your place, cool? Don’t stress it, we won’t make a mess. Got the holidays on the mind, no momentum, and no steam, our legs already weary halfway through a grueling road trip. Really, we just want to get back to the snow and sleet without any more injuries.”

Tonight’s game is a ‘must win’. We can’t continue to play down to our competition without begging the question, “are we playing down to them or are… WE… THEM?” Take a second to absorb that existential Donnie Darko shit. There’s no excuse for losing to this team. As Supersonicsoul points out, these guys can’t handle good PG’s. So Jose should be able to stampede* over Earl Watson and Luke Ridnour on his way to another double double.

*If he was latin, I would have said “salsa”.

It’s on Bosh and Jose tonight to grab the Dino by the spikes and ensure this victory. We’re vastly superior on paper, have better chemistry, and more firepower. They will should have a hard time with Delfino, Kapono, and Parker racing around the arc.

But no, I’m not going to do what you all think I’m going to do and totally freak out (man) if we lose*. That’s “pre Dec. 19th” thinking. Because in this post 12/19 world, we can’t assume talent and experience wins basketball games. That’s what they want you to think!

* Not nearly enough Half Baked clips on youtube.

SONIC NOTES:

 

  • Just so we’re clear: They traded franchise player Ray Allen, gave away All-Star Rashard Lewis, labotomized Luke Ridnour…the plan was in place. Sour the fans, move to Oklahoma, (where they’ll literally cheer for anyone, they want a team so bad), buy some acreage, ‘git money. So why go out and get KD, who’s enough to rekindle the dying flame of allegiance the city feels for the Sonics? Because the league makes no sense, that’s why.
  • What’s with Chris Wilcox? He’s long been touted as ‘just around the corner’ or ‘ready to breakout’ a la Chris Kaman, but seems to be heading towards an ‘occasional contributor’ and ‘inconsistent liability’ a la Joel Pryzbilla (role currently filled by teammate Nick Collison.)
  • I really don’t like this roster. Delonte, Wally, Damien, Johan, Earl, the token African project Saer Sene.Not exactly a collection of guys you’d want to cheer for. There’s exactly one player I would want on my squad, and that’s Robert Swift, only to see him and Darrick Martin bring cookie-stuffed teddy bears to Toronto General Hospital.

Nothing like finding a coarse red hair two bites into your oatmeal raisin!

  • They only have one player on the books for 2010/11, Nick Collison at 6mill and change. Scroll down this list of 2010/2011 free agents just for fun, and see who YOU’D pick to join KD, Collison, and Green.
  • Wally Szerbiak (that’s not how you spell it, but he isn’t worth the spellcheck) is making $12 million this season, and $13 more next year. Just further proof that a white man can get away with robbery.
  • Their best player is a nineteen year old rookie. How can they reasonably expect success? (Answer: They don’t.) Maybe he’ll be great. Maybe he’ll be good. But Kid Delicious isn’t pulling a LeBronesque rookie season, despite being surrounded by similar pylons-in-jerseys. His body isn’t near NBA ready, looking like an animated stick figure (or a shorter, more sober Keon Clark), but there’s no questioning his talent.

Girl Talk: Chris Wilcox

Chris Wilcox believes he gets to put multiple notches in his bedpost if he sticks it in REALLY REALLY hard. Watch out for it clanging off the clit tho.

UPDATE: Sorry if formatting was off before. I deleted the Durant youtube clip, thinking that knowing that Wilcox likes to ‘clang the clit’ was more important.