Sniffles and sore throats reign supreme here in Dinoville. If you value your health, you’ll quickly switch websites. Go buy a gund or something. But if you read on and get sick…I don’t wanna hear about it.
I wrote a post following Wednesday’s Boshtastic, Joseriffic win against Orlando, but the trade deadline and flu/ebola hybrid I’m playing host to pushed it into the dumpster*. So I’m gonna bury some of it in this post, deal with it.
* Coincidentally, where Joey Graham was last seen looking for his confidence.
First and foremost…let it be known that in this frigid section of cyberspace, Chris Bosh will no longer be known as The Big Twisty. After Wednesday night, Bosh’s new nickname is….
It sticks, it’s stuck, it’s done.
Yes, it was Doomsday who slayed the mighty Superman on Wednesday. Sure, Bosh may be (slightly) better looking than the bone-spurred bad boy of Krypton, but the ACC looked more like Metropolis as Doomie spilled Supe’s blood up and down that hardwood. The reverse jam on Howard’s head was his nastiest move of the season, hands down.
Not only did Doomsday kill SuperDwight, but he nearly killed Stan Van Gundy, who stomped and wheezed his way into a red-face frenzy through 48. I think he was trying to come off as tough, but by the third quarter I couldn’t tell if that was Stan or my uncle choking on a piece of pickled herring.
If Bosh did that to Dwight Howard, what do you think Doomsday’s gonna bring the the Garden for Curry and Randolph? Can he drop 70 on 28-33 from the field? I’ll say this: it’s not out of the realm of logical possibility. Howard’s an average defender; Curry and Randolph combined are…hmmm, what’s worse than mediocre?* I just hope for Isiah’s sake that he’s fired before tipoff, so he doesn’t have to decide which overpaid adolescent foul-machine to put on CB4.
*Curry and Randolph
I’m not going to spit on my hand and give Jose some serious stroking just yet. As great as he was on Wednesday, I think that playing such top tier PG’s as Jamaal Crawford, Nate Robinson, Travis Deiner, and Andre Owens over the next two games, the best is yet to come.
Man, if Jamario plays tonight like he did in the first quarter of the last game (Jamario’s best as a Raptor), NY’s gonna have no answer for him. I wish he played every game with that much energy. It’s as if he covered the ball in BBQ sauce and just went after it, grabbing 5 1stQ boards, a block, and a couple points.
And watch out for Primoz! He’s gonna bring some…add a bit of…ensure that…well, just watch out from Primoz!
I don’t know what to say about these New York Knicks, other than what everyone else is saying: “Fire Isiah!” With the exception of Balkman and Lee*, they’re a bunch of borderline felons with the collective maturity level of a JK classroom, only with more whining. If they cared as much about teamwork as they do about tattoos, they’d be up there with Boston.
*He’s the one I feel worst for. It’s like he’s perpetually stuck at his jerkoff brother-in-law’s stag weekend: he has to pretend he likes his nimrod friends, laugh at their juvenile jokes, try not to be offended by the crackhead hookers, and play poker with them even though all the dudes are too drunk to remember the rules. No fun for General Lee.
But as rare and jawdropping as the black smoke monster on LOST are these blue moon (I think it coincides with Thomas’ menstrual cycle) Knick overachievements where they stun the nation and drop 130 points. It doesn’t matter who they’re playing, somehow the stars align and every one of their trigger-happy guards goes off for 30.
I really don’t want to have to sit through that. I’m already sick, and a Raptors loss would drive me to drink a bottle of Don Julio, something I’m not sure my body can handle right now. So I’m calling a 10 point Raptors victory, with AP and Delfino continuing to torch it from behind the arc, Doomsday doing his best Spiderman in Zach Randolph’s face, and Kapono continuing to do nothing. Speaking of Zach…
Look Zach is a nice guy he will do anything for anyone but he is young, rich, and stupid. I went to school with him and we are still cool I do think that he could do better then Fawn but he had a girl in college that was way worst then Fawn. I not sure about the 3rd baby momma but yeah the rape case is still open and the girl is a gold digger. AND now there is someone on myspace saying that there Zach jr. I only believe it because they are friends with one of Zach close boys.
A final note (from “the post that never was”): I‘m tired of hearing how the Dunk Competition ‘got its polish back’. Did I miss something in between the inane banter and redundant hyperbole? It was certainly nothing special, much more sizzle than steak. Until they make an incentive for elite dunkers to participate, it’s going to be dull and derivative. Snoozie Kurtz takin’ a nappy-doodle in Lamesville. Time to shake up All-Star Weekend, people.Follow @raptorsrepublic