The “well at least we didn’t sustain any injuries” edition.

Adams – I hope to God they add one of his game-worn jerseys to the Raptors online charity auction this year. At least the winner knows they will be getting something that is like-new.

Bargnani – not often this can be said about Bargs: he made someone his bitch. He sent Beasley to the bench 90sec into the game with 2 quick fouls, he blocked a shot with intensity, and he had his hands up looking for the ball on almost every possession. A very impressive rebound after yesterday’s Il Mago The Disappearo Act. Led the team tonight in points and blocks.

Bosh – he played like he must have had a tough night last night. Oh yeah…he did. While still putting up a double double, you could tell he was a step slower than normal and just didn’t have that Bosh hunger. Had we been playing a tougher team, we may have seen another Boston game from him. As it was, he still played strong enough to guide us.

 

Calderon – back on the court and certainly providing fodder for being the glue to this team. The drop off from him to Solomon was breathtaking and tonight was a highlight package for Coliarangelo to watch and possibly give reason as to why the PG issue wasn’t addressed more suitably.

Graham – ever go buy something from Ikea or the Brick, say a bookcase, and bring it home to assemble it? You get a bag full of screws and an allen key. Hours later, you have it all assembled, all the screws are in, and you are left holding just the key? Kinda worthless, right? From this day forward, I shall refer to it as the Joey key. Please, feel free to join me.

Humphries – for some reason the refs seemed to think Kris was Michael Jordan tonight. Every time a Heat player so much as looked at him in the first half, they were called for a foul. Hell, he even earned a flagrant from Wade in the second half. Let me repeat: Dwayne Wade committed a flagrant on Kris Humphries. Damn. Next thing you know the US will have a black President.

Jawai – I <3 him.  Actually, to be more accurate given his contribution to this team so far: I <3 him.

Kapono – yesterday he was a mouse running around in circles. Today his game reminded me more of this. I really miss him blowing on his fingers. Please, assassin….please come back.

Moon – when Alabama Lightning is in the dunk contest in the NBDL or in Russia next season, I have an idea for a dunk: try it with a can of Pringles on his shoulder…after all, he is already playing with a chip on it now. Not in a good way, either. If he was using it as motivation we would all be so much better for it. Instead he comes off as being cocky and indifferent, but at least proud of himself for leading the association in blown fly-by defensive plays. I bet those guys who built a website about him last year are so proud.

O’Neal – too bad we can’t play Miami every night. HO has a great advantage over Haslem in so many ways. I was actually expecting Anthony to be on his hip all night to try and take away his length, but it didn’t really happen. A big time rebound that sealed the game for us in the fourth was impressive. Kudos on another double double and, more importantly, congrats on being foul-free in the first half.  I also appreciate that he was on the court at the end of the game. I also really appreciate the poster he’ll be on courtesy of Wade. Did you see that? He came to HO’s house, had dinner, wiped his mouth, and did the dirty with HO’s wife.  Da HO got Bang Bussed.

Parker – that second half was like coming home after watching an R.Kelly concert with a 14 year old that is about to turn 15. You’ve been waiting so long to feel it, see it, love it…..and when it finally came time to unveil it, you could hardly contain yourself. Sweet sweet love. A perfect 5 of 5 from downtown and some moves that made Wade look on in awe. I don’t think this is a sign that he is out of his funk, but it was nice to see that the glimmer is still there somewhere.

Solomon – wow. I swear I could feel Sam say “WTF Bryan……do something with this shit”. I also can’t remember the last time I’ve heard a Raptor broadcaster show so much hate for a home guy. I think Devlin must have had his cab taken by Will or something. I would actually pay good money to see Devlin interview Will. They might actually have to bleep some of it. Anyway, I gave him some leeway yesterday, but I feel tonight was even worse. And this whole Reggie Miller impersonation with the refs must end. Now. The refs are looking at him like that hot chick looks at you at a dance club. You ain’t got no hope in talking to me, so back off junior. This is the first time I felt that Roko would actually be better.

Ukic – and that said, Roko and I share one thing in common……we both didn’t play against the Heat tonight. The similarities end there since I don’t have an aerodynamic face or (usually) look like I am being gang tackled by the defensive line of the Steelers.

Driving The Bus:   Jermaine O’Neal

Under The Bus:    Will Solomon

Game Theme:      Timmy’s