Roll Call

Roll Call – Dec 26 vs Kings

The “put me in, coach” edition.

Adams – asked Santa for a blowout….any kind of blowout. Needs one just to see some PT. Should have asked for some skills.

Bargnani – asked Santa for the ability to become a brick shithouse, evidently. Doing his best Oakley on one possession, but also doing his best “he’s on fire” imitation for the whole game. 6 of 7 from the field, 4 of 5 from the charity stripe and he barely broke a sweat.

Bosh – asked Santa for his game back. Guess he still has to hope for some boxing day specials, because he didn’t find his wish under the tree. Uncharacteristically amassing fouls tonight, it brought the spotlight off his lack of desire to get anything meaningful going. Meandering performance, at best.

Calderon – should have asked Santa to borrow Rudolph so he could have him guide him to the hoop by driving inside. Instead, he evidently asked for help in setting up boring cumbersome half court offences that, while catering to HO, don’t really do much else. The free throw streak continues, though.

Graham – asked Santa for Britney’s number, but instead got in his game what he usually gets in his women: mediocrity. Still more active and confident than in past years, but a step slower than he has shown in previous games this year.

Humphries – asked Santa for a hilighter so he could make sure Triano actually remembers he is on the squad. 3 boards in 6 minutes on a team that rebounds about as well as RapsFan after a few Coors Lights should give reason for Jay to open the gate a bit. He won’t though. If there is one thing Jay is….it’s thick.

Jawai – asked Santa for a heartshaped Jacuzzi. Santa granted his wish…only problem was it was too big to get through the door.

Kapono – asked Santa to be traded anywhere he can work on his tan. He had a solid night going 5 of 9, but sweet Jesus, please don’t ever make a one-on-one film of him vs Francisco Garcia. It was about as exciting as watching two mascots going mano-a-mano. I saw better game on a Vic20.

Moon – asked Santa for a box more of those ugly mouthguards. Seriously, who invented those ugly things? Who thought that a 2 colour mouthguard was just a fantastic idea? Probably some dude that also thinks Jamario is going to score a long term multi million dollar deal next year.

O’Neal – asked Santa to be able to play against a lumbering white guy who used to also play in Indiana, just so he could pad his stats. Can’t you just picture HO taking the floor, seeing Miller, and thinking “sheeeeeit, I got this”. He sho ‘nuff did. Monster game for Gimpy with a 36 and 9. He took it inside and he actually called for the ball a few times. You know BC is rubbing one out tonight.

Parker – asked Santa for his starting job back. Yeah, well, Arsenal fans ask for a league championship every year and look where that gets them. You know, I bet he would be the type of guy to really gain something from all that Zen stuff that Phil Jackson teaches. Kinda picture him doing tai-chi on the sidelines before every game, getting in touch with his inner hidden tiger.

Solomon – sat on Santa’s lap and asked that he no longer sit on the Raptors bench. I’m still surprised that Solomon is taking Roko’s minutes, unless they are showcasing him, as has been rumoured. Didn’t hurt us tonight, but also didn’t help us. I call that a Maurizio night.

Ukic – asked Santa what the hell he did to deserve this.

Voskuhl – asked Santa what he could do just to make his mark with this team. Santa said “try wearing a headband”. Well, point taken. Anybody else think he looks like 85% of all police sketches?

Driving The Bus:   Jermaine O’Neal

Under The Bus:    Jamario Moon

Game Theme:      Indeed

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