The “pop the corks” edition.

Adams – he’s like that chick you see through beer goggles at the end of a new years eve party……Colangelo thought he looked great, got him home, then realized he was about as satisfying as the Zone diet.

Bargnani – hotter than Mariah Carey, he was on fire like chili followed by 4 Ex-Lax pills. A sweet night that probably had BC thrusting his chest out with pride. Enjoy it.

Bosh – avoiding the paint like I avoid tofu, he obviously thought that Bargs hitting shots from the outside was tonight’s party theme. I could almost hear Arse scream in pain when CB4 hoisted those outside shots. Only almost because he was drowned out by my own.

Calderon – now that was more like it. Pushing the ball, driving, hitting open shots, keeping his head in the game. Calm cool and collected and not always looking to Bosh as the first option. A beautiful offensive game tonight.

Graham – if Triano thought he would be able to get away with taking a paddle to Graham’s ass, he would have done it. He looked as frustrated with Joey as I look when I go to the Brass Rail and see only blondes working. Joey G needs to take advantage of HO’s absence and showcase himself. Instead, tonight, he acted more like a penis seeing Amy Winehouse.

Humphries – gonna start calling him Milkbone since he may as well be chewing on them while he is chained up to Triano’s doghouse. Who needs energy and hustle anyway? Greatly overrated….especially on Canada’s team. We as a people like to blend in and not cause any discourse to our foes, so our team should do the same. We are the Canadian Army of the NBA.

Jawai – I promise to take it easy on Nathan in 2009. Cross my heart.

Kapono – injured. Didn’t play. Probably in bed right now with a woman that is way hotter than anything you’ll ever be with. Unless you are RapsFan. His girl is hot.

Moon – I’m gonna start calling him KidNPlay, since nobody fades like him. When was the last time he played a good complete game? Seems he comes out fine to start, then turtles. He had some great hustle plays today, but as we got closer to 2009, he acted like he had started dipping into the punch a bit too much.

O’Neal – hurt. Was he even on the bench? He was probably spinning wax at the porn star new years eve shindig in Vegas. I hear he may know a few of those types of people.

Parker – shot 50%, but more impressive? 6 assists. He wasn’t looking to get his own tonight, but instead tried to facilitate the offense. Nice work in his return to the starting lineup. Not sure it was enough to get it back from Kapono though.

Solomon – in all honesty, I hope Solomon continues to play if only to hear Devlin sound like he is going to hurl every time he says Wills name. It’s become so bad that only Leo can say positive things about the guy. Tonight was a good example. After 2 quick fouls, he settled down and played ball. He didn’t force (many) passes and looked to score on his own.

Ukic – well, at least he got a haircut. Guess the mousse the stylist put in it is probably still there since he didn’t sweat all night.

Voskuhl – Matt Bonner with less talent.

Driving The Bus:   Jose Calderon

Under The Bus:    Jay Triano

Game Theme:      What Jay Was Saying Just After That Huddle.