The “we are as boring as the Jazz” edition

Bargnani – the front line of the Pacers kept our Biggest Secret quiet early on. He tried to rustle something up, kinda like a bear coming out of hibernation, but the HO factor probably weighed him down.

Bosh – 25/16, showing what a real man does when not wearing a second uniform named Garnett. Probably as excited by the return of HO as he would be if he found out YouTube went on the fritz and his cousin was having an affair with Leo Rautins.

Calderon – wearing a nice pinstripe suit and actually on the bench to, you know, support his teammates. Imagine.

Graham – picked it up (too) late. I must admit to always expecting somewhat big games from him when he faces his brother. I still haven’t learned.

Humphries – never got off the bench.  Latest rumour is he was caught snapping one off to pictures of Jays poodles. Who are male.

Jawai – bang…boom…bang…boom…t’pau….

Kapono – that travel late 4th looked like this. No denying he shuffled and they called it all night, making this one of the longest regulation games I’ve seen in a while.

Moon – that cockeyed headband still drives me nuts. Of course, the fact he is in our starting lineup helps. You think he calls his newborn and just cackles over the phone, telling her how he gets paid a bucket of money to float and that she will be set for life when he signs his $40mil contract next year?

O’Neal – worthless scum. If there is any justice in the world, we will hear tomorrow that Kris suckerpunched this piece of trash and then Jake took some workboots to his groin. Hope he liked that heroes welcome. If Toronto “fans” had any balls, they will boo his sorry ass on Sunday…if he plays. Don’t listen to the fanboys who say he has done a great service by speaking up and allowing Bargs to start. If he was a team player, he wouldn’t have been turtling the past few weeks.

Parker – did a fair job at running the point when Jay finally realized what he had in Roko was only marginally better than what he would have if he had a blind PG.  AP had a better than an average game for him and he better get used to heavy minutes as I’m sure he will be showcased over the coming 2 weeks.

Solomon – back to being a bit too shot happy. Not out of control, but remember your teammates and trust in them. Of course the reaction after most of his 4 fouls was quite fitting since he was playing in Reggie’s house.

Ukic – that thud you heard was Colangelo slapping his own forehead wondering what the hell he was thinking. Oh, right, no cap room, so we HAD to bring this kid over. Yoko didn’t stand a chance tonight against two guards that probably could have depants-ed him, waxed him, branded him, pulled his shorts back up and still busted his ankles.

Voskuhl – DNP-SWSH  (DNP-Still Wearing Stupid Headband)

Driving The Bus:   Chris Bosh

Under The Bus:    Jason Kapono

Game Theme:      A Hero Comes To Play