The “well, that was slightly disappointing” edition

Bargnani – reminded me of that girl that shows up at a party all dressed to the nines and you think is incredibly hot. Then, as the night wears on, the real person shines through and you realize she is about as sexy as a zit.

Bosh – Lobsterboy had seven turnovers. That’s more than this guy. He produced a nice stretch mid-game, but thanked his AllStar voters by crapping the bed in a big game.

Calderon – there are times where I think a blind man suffering a seizure can hit his shot more consistently than Jose. Yes, he did a nice job of running the team tonight and, yes, his alley-oop passing is much better than it used to be, but a good point needs to be able to create his own shot and convert. He isn’t there yet. Kudos on his FT streak, but it ended on a night that we needed every point we could get.

Graham – not a good game in the slightest. No pep, no hustle. A 400lb man puts more effort getting up from the couch than Joey G showed tonight.

Humphries – could have used him tonight. Instead he was probably chilling with a candy striper.

Jawai – while Australian eyes were focused on Toronto tonight, proudly watching a NBA game featuring two Aussies, one of them had about as much a shot of playing as Matt Devlin has a shot at acquiring a personality.

Kapono – do you think he considers his season a success so far? Quite often he strikes me as playing like a guy who has just left his day job and has shown up at the local gym to play a quick game with his buddies.

Moon – it’s like he just woke up over the past couple of games and realized that he was enjoying AllStar weekend a year ago and this year he didn’t even get a sniff. Great focus and nice hustle. Best defender on the floor? No, but leaps and bounds better than he has been.

O’Neal – another nice game that will be overshadowed by another bonehead move in getting tossed in the fourth. You can go either way, I guess……good for him for standing up, but as one of the few guys bringing it tonight, we needed him. Yes, it was basically a done deal, but who cares? You are a professional. His body language and his expressionless face have left a lot to be desired, both by us and any interested suitors.

Parker – sporting some Bargs Beard, he had an average AP night. As much as we need Jose to step it up offensively, it would have been great to see AP turn on the heat defensively tonight. Didn’t happen.

Solomon – free at last, but as helpful as Verne Troyer on defense against Shaq.

Ukic – kind of reminds me of a jockey trying to ride a wild stallion in a steeple chase. Fills a role, but looks about as confident as a nerd talking to Adriana Lima.

Voskuhl – our secret weapon. So secret that we can only use him in small doses. Kind of like supplying Viagra to a 16 year old boy during co-ed gym class.

Driving The Bus:   Jermaine O’Neal

Under The Bus:    Jason Kapono

Game Theme:      Saturday’s Film Session Before Practice

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