The “yup, no reason to be negative at all, eh buddy?” edition
Banks – missed a chippy, tossed up an airball, even committed 3 fouls in less than 10 minutes of playing time. I’ve seen more upside in the hairstyles of Kid N Play.
Bargnani – he looked as graceful as an elephant doing ballet. It’s like the stylings of Jason Kapono has started to wear off on the young guy. His line was actually pretty healthy, but ugly ugly play.
Bosh – let’s see…an inbounds pass that actually went out of bounds, had his shot blocked by Nate Robinson, looked as out of it as Paris Hilton after her birthday party, and probably ordered popcorn and got peanuts. Yeah, he has been out 16 days, but he isn’t coming off reconstructive surgery. Even if hobbled, get at your guys, get them motivated. You have the “c”….use it.
Calderon – he of the often lauded “run at your guy and clap your hands and yell yooooo” defensive school. Just missed a double double which he probably would have reached had he spent a little less time directing his guys to spots on the floor without really concentrating on getting them the actual ball or use them as a pick on a screen and roll.
Graham – led the team in points. Really. Also led the team in thoughts of “why the hell couldn’t I have been traded off this team? Have I really pissed God off that much??”
Humphries – anybody else think he paid some kid a c-note to keep pounding him in the leg until something popped, just so he didn’t have to be seen with this motley crew?
Jawai – 4 minutes, 2 fouls, and the undying admiration of a continent that thankfully was probably asleep while this travesty was happening. The Toronto Raptors…we are the United Nations of suck.
Kapono – did I really see him blow on his fingers after he hit a 3 while down 30? I’m not sure, but if I did, Alex English should walk up to him in the locker room tonight and do this:
Actually…just do it anyway.
Marion – who is HO? Admittedly a hater of HO, but, again, not a big believer in Marion, I’m warming up to the guy. Crashed the boards, gave some good looks, hit some shots, got digits from the girl in the 14th row and is, as you read this, walking in Times Square with every intention of going to Hello Deli. 14pts, 12 rebounds, and probably 18 “WTF did I get into here”s.
Kobe hit the floor tonight for 5 minutes and quickly showed what he can bring to the Raptors…boards, blocks and assists. The joke would be that he actually blocked and then rebounded his own pass, but I digress. Did he show flashes that he is going to be a serviceable piece for this team? Only in that he took time away from Jake.
Parker – the next time you are scheduled to show up somewhere and you don’t, you will have AP’d.
Ukic – an airball three, carrying the ball, and the continuing shame of holding his hands on his hips like an anemic runway model. I say you take him to the Central Park zoo, dump him in the flamingo pit and call it a day.
Voskuhl – how sucky must it be to be on a roster that has few bigs, be in a 30pt blowout, and still not see any floor time? If he was a youngster playing t-ball on a team where everybody gets to bat, as he was stepping to the plate it would probably pour rain, the game would get called, and his parents would be happy that they were saved the shame of wee Jakey swinging and missing.
Driving The Bus: Shawn Marion
Under The Bus: Anthony Parker
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