The “return of dumb and dumber” edition
Banks – I don’t care if Jose and Roko were taken out by snipers, there is absolutely no reason to have Banks on the floor outside of garbage time, let alone the first half.
Bargnani – do you think The Future looked at that headband wearing loser in the black uniform tonight and decided to make him his cabana boy? I do and he did. Couple of nice blocks, that wicked turnaround jumper and he kept himself out of foul trouble. Good game.
Bosh – The Franchise is probably on his way home right now, planning to fire up that cam of his and just smile. Sure, a win was more important but at this point who cares? Driving? Check. Jump shot? Check. 3pointer? Check. Get to the foul line? Check. Vocal? Check. Commit no fouls? Check. 30pts or more? Check. Haters with their heads in the sand for a night? Check.
Calderon – how much longer until we can add another notch under “Mistakes Made By Bryan Colangelo While He Was GM Of The Toronto Raptors”? Nights like tonight are quickly becoming the norm and the excuses are running out. Don’t know how more obvious it could be that Jose Calderon is not ready for prime time. If he closes the season out this way and opens next year playing at the same level, we may need to have a fire sale.
Graham – the twitterverse was full of anticipation today, hoping Joey would step up and put a show on. Well, I got two words for his performance tonight: fail whale.
Kapono – epitome of his night: gets the turnover late 4th. Has the chance to pull the raps to within 7. Immediately sees his wife leaving the game early in disgust, tries to whip the ball at her head and immediately turns it back over to the heat for a 4 point swing. He actually had a good shooting night, but some dumb mental errors will haunt him as he sips his California red while he watches old episodes of Miami Vice tonight.
Marion – no trips to the foul line and only attempted 10 shots. He has me beginning to wonder if he isn’t just a higher paid, slightly better, version of Joey Graham. Shows up sometimes, takes nights off frequently. He had a quick groundswell of support after his first few games, but he may soon find out just how fickle the Toronto sports fan can be.
Mensah-Bonsu – Pops goes the dynamite. While some thought this would amount to just another BC fluffy signing, there are a few of us that actually took notice. Will we see what we saw tonight every night? No way in hell. But, Patrick and Jake should go out and buy themselves some Nintendo DS’ and start planning their head to head tournaments during games.
O’Bryant – remember those nights at the club where you would be working on a girl, trying to get her number, or at least her attention? You just wanted to be able to move with her a little bit so your boys would notice you and spread word around town about your game. Then some fresh new guy comes in, swoops on her, and it seems like your world has stopped and all those around this guy focus in on him like a newfound hero? Patrick…meet Pops.
Parker – after Jose and Roko collectively took a dump in their bedsheets, Anthony played some time at the point to try and keep dancing with DWade. A hard assignment for anybody and, despite Dwayne’s line, I think AP did alright. Caused a few turnovers and fell just shy of a double double. Safe to say this game would have been much worse without him.
Ukic – jail Ukic and throw away the key. A line full of zeroes, just like his chances to stick around at this level as anything more than a third string backup. 3 fouls in 4 minutes?? Are you kidding me? For every game he shows flashes, he has 2 or 3 that just make me want to kill a pig. His pig. And tell me this doesn’t remind you of Roko a little bit. I’m sure he tears up a little every time he sees it. Probably thinks it’s a love story.
Voskuhl – this team has 99 problems and Jake ain’t one.
Driving The Bus: Chris Bosh
Under The Bus: Jose Calderon