The men and women at the home-office in Athabasca, Alberta are working overtime. The category is Top Ten Prophecies For Next Season.
- The Raptors will have 4-7 new players and 4-7 new fans.
- Paper bags will replace jerseys as the best selling merchandise item.
- MLSE will officially change the meaning of ACC to “Armored Cash Cow”.
- Our new starting SG will have won some sort of tier-2 international league MVP award
- Chris Bosh will host a weekly podcast titled “Countdown to July 2010″.
- After being repeatedly declined a press-pass, Arsenalist will sneak his way into media day and get thrown out on his ass for calling Colangelo a c*#t!
- Carlos Delfino will return sporting even greasier hair gel, expensive new mascara and a deteriorated jumper. We’ll love him for it.
- Season ticket renewals will decrease considerably as a result of the recession while season ticket prices will increase as a result of the considerable decrease in season tickets renewals.
- Bryan Colangelo will hire an acclaimed Euro-league rookie head coach along with 5 full-time translators including a sign language teacher and an agility dog trainer.
…and the #1 prophecy for next season…drum roll….
- Expect the unexpected. The Raptors will make the Playoffs.