The “twitaholics anonymous” edition
Banks – how proud your family must be. “My son just suffered a season ending injury.” “Oh my…what happened” “Bone spur in his toe”. What the hell? Is that even possible? Why not just say he suffered a blister while rolling up the rim?
Bargnani – feed the hungry man, indeed. It was like watching a catapult being refilled tonight. Ball gets in hands, must shoot, must impress Jay. I was surprised he didn’t come out at halftime and take the ball out of the hands of the guy shooting for half a mill.
Bosh – you think that ball to his face in the first kinda felt like getting your personal laundry aired on your birthday? Speaking of his birthday, I’m thinking the refs gave him a late present by not calling him for 3 in the key about 4 times tonight.
Calderon – why is it that when he has good games I almost expect to see a spotlight shine on him and see him curtsey, followed by roses being dropped from the rafters of the ACC? It’s like we have 2 Russian ballet dancers running the point on this team
Douby – who else thinks that BC paged his assistant asking him to pick up a doobie on the way back to the office and all of a sudden we have an extra guard on our team?
Graham – hello, my name is Joey. I like to bake turnovers and commit boneheaded moves in 7 minutes or less. When I sit on the bench for the rest of the game, I eat the turnovers and wonder what it’s like to be my brother.
Jawai – it’s like he never left.
Kapono – this guy switched gears mid-game like he was driving at Mosport. He came out as the mayor of Suckville and ended the game looking like the parade marshall in the annual Green Onion Planting Parade. 3 of 4 from downtown, 14 points and the obvious crowning achievement of leading the team in +/-.
Marion – was knocked down hard by Charlie V, but became all rosy and beamed with pride when Jose finally figured out Shawn plays for us now and it’s okay to pass him the ball. You could almost see animated hearts emanating from Marion’s head.
Mensah-Bonsu – picked up a case of Raptor-itis and took the night off. Banks toe, Bargs heel, Pops knee…up next: Jake’s ball sack.
O’Bryant – Patrick’s heart started racing when Jay told him he would play today. Minutes later he was crestfallen when Triano handed him a PSP.
Parker – know what I miss? AP driving to the hoop. I think he has a lane more often than he realizes, to be honest. I think him driving more would force teams to fade off one of our bigs. Just sayin’.
Ukic – we were up 20 most of the game. Any reason that we couldn’t play the pig guy a bit more than 10 minutes, with most of those coming when Jose was taken out back to have his fingers taped together? Yes, I know we are trying to make the playoffs and all, but why not give the kid some time to play with a bonafide NBA all-star before he leaves town?
Voskuhl – 11 minutes = 3 fouls. It’s like going to bed at 11pm knowing I’ll be up taking a piss at 3am. Always gonna happen. Only difference is I can do it without a headband.
Driving The Bus: Andrea Bargnani
Under The Bus: Joey Graham
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