The “perfect time to grout the back splash in my kitchen” edition.

Banks – it’s his fault.

Bargnani – well, if there are a few positives to come from this game, one of them would be that the focus is taken off his play.

Belinelli – hey!! he found his scoring touch!! Well done, Marco!  This was like the promising play you showed in training camp in other games that didn’t matter.

Bosh – worthless piece of trash. A gutless performance that personifies him as a human being and a ball player.  The only thing he could possibly produce worse than this would be a DVD about getting a tattoo. Who the hell does that? Hell, who the hell BUYS that? I bet Colangelo will……he is such a great investor. (see: O’Neal, Jermaine / Turkoglu, Hedo)

Calderon – well, at least he amassed 7 assists and had a good shooting night. During a night like this, though, that is like being the keyholder of a bakery that is right next to the set of The Biggest Loser.

DeRozan – poor Lighthouse. Got off to a great start, actually looked like he was up to the challenge and then his teammates acted like the French and ran away to hide, leaving him to fight his own battle. Hell of a play on Horford, though. TJ will be sending him a text tonight.

Evans – poor bastard……he coulda been playing with Iverson.

Jack – playing when the Hawks already had this one sealed allowed Jack to accumulate 8 assists and pad his stats.  He looked like he wanted to come into the game about as much as a 16 year old girl wants to go with her father to see Twilight.

Johnson – e for effort. Had a tough stretch in the second where stuff wasn’t working, but the rest of his minutes were typical Amir. Still doesn’t possess the tools to be a starter.

Mensah-Bonsu – you are down by 400 and you come in and try to make flashy put back dunks? Really? Be grateful a team picked you up and show some effort in working as a team out there, not some flashy single player. The team is trying to show cohesion and here is Johnny Bunnyhop making out that he is the next Keon Clark. Get a grip.

Nesterovic – he must circle the dates on the calendar when the Raps play a team that has a lunky european centre. That way he knows when to take his Ensure and be ready to play.

O’Bryant – If he was off the IR, we coulda held the Hawks to 140.

Turkoglu- hit 2 3s back to back early in the game, giving him 6 points. He ended with 13. For those of you just joining us, that means he pretty much sucked offensively. Again. Many questions in the ESPN chat tonight about what is wrong with this guy, especially from Orlando fans. Ah well………as Tiger Woods would say, it’s hard to battle the power of the vagina.

Weems – well, youngblood actually played tonight. Had one athletic move early and spent the rest of the night being average. He’s kinda like the guy who walks into a club looking all suave, ladies check him out, then 2 hours later he is drenched in sweat and smells like pee. Great to start off with, but you wouldn’t want to keep him around too long.

Wright – had his cards read in Toronto and was told he shouldn’t take part in this game for the goodness of his soul. If you would like a similar reading, please email A-Dub and he’ll hook you up with his alter-ego Chief YouBetterListenToMe.

Driving The Bus:  DeMar DeRozan

Under The Bus:  Chris Bosh

Game Theme:

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