The “my eyes are burning” edition.
Banks – the steak sandwich tonight. Quite possibly the second best on the team in terms of professionalism and class. Only downside is that he seemed to want to do it all himself, even in garbage time. He pulled Jose’s a few times and looked off wide open people. Not a great trait.
Bargnani – the double stuffed sandwich. It comes out, looks great, first few bites are amazing, then you just want to hurl. Started off like a house on fire with 14 points in the first quarter. Amazing, right? Well, he ended the game with…wait for it…14 points. 6 of 17 in 28 minutes. Better get a doggie bag.
Belinelli – the inside-out sandwich. I swear he is programmed to take off balanced shots at all costs. I’m positive if he was ever forced to take a jump ball, he’d do it backwards. How bad was this game? People online were wondering where he was, thinking he could help. AND THEY WERE SERIOUS!!! Ah, the euphoria of the gold medal game……
Bosh – the limited time special sandwich. You know the kind: they offer it up and it is sooooooo good that you try and eat it as much as possible while it is on offer. Then you just hope and pray that they bring it back because nothing else will ever measure up.
Calderon – the triple decker sandwich. Every now and again you can keep it together and you feel you have accomplished something. Other times it just all falls apart. Jose took the night off with an elbow contusion. His team took it off to show their support.
DeRozan – the egg salad sandwich. Looked good when you picked it but when you are done you are left with some strange smelling gas. Showed some frustration when he was taken out in the third. Hard to tell if it was frustration at himself or that he (laughingly) thought he deserved more playing time. In case it was the latter: you sucked on defence and you shot 0-2. DeMar, read the papers…read the websites…get it through your thick skull: pull your pants up or join Thabeet.
Evans – the po boy sandwich. Nothing says love like fish and mayonnaise. Raptors fans continue to love the guy who, on a night where he played the majority of his minutes against scrubs, still only mustered up 5 boards. To listen to people talk about how he brings a dynamic this team needs, what has he done with Bosh out? If we need that dynamic, now would have been a great time to show it. Instead, we need to take some antacid.
Jack – the chicken club. A little bit of everything in a small package. He tried tonight, but like the rest of his squad, he got shown up something fierce. Aaron Brooks had his way with both our PGs and that is unacceptable. Still, Jarrett made him work defensively and took some (but very little) of the sting away.
Johnson – the pulled pork with hot sauce and jalapeno’s. You think you are going to be brave, then you bite into it and quickly you need to sit back down and towel off. Amir had his typical 2 fouls in 2 minutes tonight. What better way to help your team that is already short handed? Frustrating night at the office.
Nesterovic – the ham sandwich. Pretty plain but you always know what you’re getting. Look, lets be honest. When I think of a front court of Scola and Hayes, my first thought of a defender would never be Rasho. He kept Chuck in check, though, and the guy who embodies the Canadian spirit more than probably Jay Triano even battled for 7 boards. We may have sucked the life out of the place tonight, but Rasho held his own.
O’Bryant – the burnt grilled cheese sandwich. Something you like but comes out ruined. Sure, he had a good (for him, fantastic) stat line: 9 minutes, 3 boards, 4 blocks, perfect from the field. However, and you know I love you man, he showed absolutely zero basketball IQ on the floor. He truly looked like someone had been spinning him around in circles for 10 minutes and literally dropped him on the court. Shots were being put up and he was looking the other way, he was standing perpendicular to the paint when people were shooting free throws, he had oven mitts on when he was near a loose ball or receiving a pass. It was a microcosm of this game.
Turkoglu- the anchovy sandwich when you actually ordered the hero. Yes, he got injured in the first half and they decided to sit him for the second. Prior to that, though, he was his usual Raptor self: hit one of 5 shots and laboured up and down the court. Not sure anything more can be said about his first season as a Raptor. Just have to hope we can hail our waiter and send it back.
Weems – spicy tofu wrap. This is the type of thing that when you are out on a first date and it’s with a health nut, you order something that you never have had and hope for the best. Many of us have seen flashes of hope in Sonny and are privately hoping Jay is paying attention. Had a good game tonight with active hands and active feet. He’s the kind of player that can throw defences off kilter and sneak in when they least expect it. You may not know what you were getting but, in the end, it hits the spot.
Wright – day old chicken mango chutney. He reminds me of the sandwich you threw in the fridge yesterday and today you bite into it for a midnight snack. You love the mango, but the rest is just a bit off. You admire the man for his hustle, but that skirmish he got into wasn’t necessary and I’m surprised he wasn’t tossed if indeed he raised his fists. He shot the bell well, but he seemed frustrated at his own inability to defend tonight. It happens.
Driving The Bus: Marcus Banks
Under The Bus: DeMar DeRozan