The “so nice they beat us twice” edition:

Alabi: kind of like that kid from small town Ontario that gets sent to summer camp with a bunch of rich kids. An outsider that has as much chance as playing in the reindeer games as Rudolph would without the nose.

Andersen: I’m a fan but tonight he looked like a bird searching for a tree to land on in the middle of the ocean. Plenty of movement, very little result

Banks: if he was your kid, chances are when you went to parent/teacher night, the teacher would have to search his class roster and look for a photo before remembering who the hell he was.

Barbosa: more like the Brazilian Blot. Andersen can be ineffective because he’s expected to be. Barbosa is a legit NBAer who doesn’t have a big role so he should be able to bring it every night. Tonight I think he left his skill at the Denny’s.

Bargnani: 26 and 9, got to the line 9 times and showed why the Jazz staff were concerned about him. I’m declaring the early drought over, but obviously we have to expect some dry spells. Still, away from home and reading the articles that he has become a reason to have to plan when playing the Raptors must be great for his confidence.

Calderon: know how when the batteries die in your remote and you spend a few minutes still trying to change channels or power your TV on with it? That is the epitome of Jose’s game tonight. Frustrating and time to get some fresh juice.

Davis: last seen checking out the hotspots of Salt Lake City. That would be the airport and the bus terminal….both at the departure gates.

DeRozan: had a good 3rd quarter but ended up giving it all away via one of the dumbest moves possible. Seconds left in the quarter, gets the inbound, heaves it downcourt but, in doing so, steps on the line. Turnover. Jazz inbound and hit a three. Saddle up the horses, Young Onez….your sheriff just swapped his bullets with blanks and forgot the one in the chamber as he shot your hopes outta your head.

Dorsey: 4 fouls in 9 minutes. Evidently that exit ramp he has as a forehead isn’t capable of keeping the concept of staying on the floor to help his team inside his head.

Evans: that thud you heard around 9:42 in Toronto was Heavy E coming back down to earth and landing on top of the ACC, smashing through the roof and landing in BC’s office with a big goofy grin on his face and saying “Gotcha sucka!!!”. He deserved a night off but as we were getting our asses handed to us, he and Bargnani were acting more like 98 pound doormen protecting the paint rather than the animal he has been lately.

Jack: poor shot selection, horrible distribution of the ball save for about 4 minutes in the third and what appeared to be no motivation to rally the troops as we were getting kicked in the cohones by a bunch of guys being cheered on by wheat farmers.  Who was Pat Riley offering again? Anytime your starting point guard commits 2 fouls in the first 6 minutes of the game and comes off the floor shaking his head and brushing off his own teammates as he sits down, you know it’s going to be a long night with Mr. Personality.

Johnson: if you are your teams big re-signing of the summer and a guy named Joey Dorsey is getting more minutes than you 4 games into the season, you need a long hard talk with yourself. Either that or you need to buy your agent his own jet because buddy is your BFF.

Kleiza: kind of torn. This type of effort tonight is what I expected most nights. But, after hearing how he played this summer and witnessing his efforts in pre-season, I thought he may be up there as as steal of the summer candidate. Granted, he was up against an always(usually)-ready Jazz team coached by the best coach in the league, but you can either choose to cower or try and step it up. Linas cowered as if he was hooking up with twins and their dad just came home carrying an axe and a double layered garbage bag.

Weems: Only in Utah: Green and Yellow are colours that are predominant in something other than stoplights and ballhogs like Sonny Weems have career nights. 7/13 and 9/10 from the line. Sonny never stopped shooting  and rarely looked to help his teammates. He’s like the basketball version of Bruce Willis in Die Hard.

Wright: as you read this, he is begging the bus driver to pull over so he can go cowtipping, proving he can indeed be a productive part of this team.

Driving The Bus: Andrea Bargnani

Under The Bus: Jose Calderon

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