ShamSports

The “we have never met a layup we couldn’t miss” edition:

Barbosa: in the past couple of games I think he has misunderstood “pound the rock” as meaning “shoot the rock”. 20 attempts tonight in his lifesize version of Pop-A-Shot.

Butler: this was a highlight reel game for him. He did everything he has done for us all year in 13 minutes of court time tonight against a team that could be in the finals.  That is to say he did jack pony. If his dog was in distress in a lake, he’d probably throw a lifeline to him that would land at the edge of the beach, 20 feet away from the dog.

Calderon: okay, to be fair, this game for Jose is much like me going up against Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest.  If Rose was a lady with a sweet tooth, Calderon was a shop full of cupcakes. The Chicago commentators picked him apart calling him a cult hero for a year then basically a zero. Hard to argue. He took his foot off the peddles offensively tonight and stuck to dishing out the rock.

Davis: 17 minutes and I think I could hear him whimper throughout. He was up against big boys tonight and he was stopped in his tracks. Heck, it was hard to even notice he was there. He was like trying to find your date at a costume ball when you don’t know what they were wearing. Hell, he might as well have been wearing an invisibility cloak.

DeRozan: one of the better Raptors, but unless we get him to the “amazing” level, we suffer as a team. He hit his first three in a few games, but it wasn’t enough to ignite him the rest of the way.  I did see him step up the defensive intensity for flashes tonight, so that was a welcome surprise.

Forbes: the Acie Earl twin continued to stir in some bonehead into his broth. That one turnover under our hoop that was easily intercepted by that incredible deity known as Taj Gibson was just horrible. Not to mention he was trying to pass it to Magloire of all people. Ignore that and his 8 rebounds reflected his hustle and desire.

A. Johnson: his body must look like the elephant man’s face tonight. He never backed down and he was banging guys at every opportunity looking to get us an opportunity to score. Just no horses around him. You have to drool at the thought of having reliable scorers surround Amir….assuming it happened in Toronto.

J.Johnson: back in Chicago again with something to prove. If this is the way he plays with a chip on his shoulder, I’ll take a bag of Old Dutch crappy chips instead of the high end Pringles, please. If I had the hops this guy had, I’d be bouncing around like Charlie Sheen at the Playboy mansion looking to grab anything that came my way. Instead he picks and chooses his time which is something that a bottom feeder team doesn’t need. 

Kleiza: I have expect to see him hit the court on Monday with 2 big wristbands that have plays written on them. He is giving me flashbacks to Peja or Hedo with their intensive offensive schemes of run to a spot, stop, wait, get ball, shoot. Frustrating. Movement, use of the body, and getting involved on the defensive end would be groovy, dude.

Magloire: he really has the hockey mentality down pat, huh? How to make listeners of the Fan590 love you, indeed. Tonight he was pushing guys around since I’m sure they were yapping at him about how he couldn’t hit a free throw to save his life and he used his funny retort of how he was shooting in metric. His poor mom must be hearing enough “side of the barn” jokes to last a lifetime.  4 rebounds in 20min from a former allstar just doesn’t cut it, Canadian or not.

Driving the bus: Leandro Barbosa

Under the bus: Rasual Butler

Theme of the Game: