cavsraps

The “somebody got their asses kicked on a plane to Jersey” edition:

Alabi: the heartbeat of this team is back.

Bayless: Deron Williams is like a monster truck fan being set loose in a Jack Daniels warehouse…you can only hope to contain him. Casey tried to by inserting Bayless in the starting lineup alongside the greatest turnstile defence aficionado the game has ever known. They didn’t exactly shut Deron down, but they made him worse than expected.

Butler: this guy reminds me of the Drake Sprite commercial.  That isn’t good.

Calderon: an assist shy of a double double and his bald spot didn’t expand for once this season.  While he seems to be just as likely to leave Toronto as snow in June, we need him to up his value by staying on the floor and playing well. He did both tonight in 34 minutes.

Davis: his stats are as poor as they have been, but his game was different tonight. Maybe seeing DeMar break out of his funk hit home and sparked some of the TNT that has been stuck firmly up his ass all season. All without the headband. Look, the guys season has been like a Cracker Jack box with no prize and for us to get pumped for the future we need to see Ed bust his hump.

DeRozan: this was like heading to Chinatown at 4am after a bender and stumbling into the grungiest nastiest restaurant on earth and getting served the best dishes you have ever experienced. It makes you want to stand up, run out to the street and scream “I LOVE THIS PLACE” at the top of your lungs. DeMar had us doing something similar tonight with a game that absolutely went a long way to shut up his critics. Only one game? Sure….but no denying his performance sealed the game for us.

Forbes: no Barbosa, no Bargnani, but we have Gary to help pick us up. Yeah, well, that’s like saying you won a date with Megan Fox and Queen Latifah showed up instead.

A. Johnson: back in the starting lineup for matchup purposes, not because he earned it, he pulled a rabbit out of a hat and prodded our memory for what he used to be like.  Solid game full of hustle.

J. Johnson: do you think this guy was a petulant child that went to bed happy and woke up every morning like the devil himself? The guy carries himself like the physical manifestation of your woman asking you if she looks fat in a bikini. Nights like tonight where he plays like a house on fire for some of the game and then like he is in wet sand the rest of it are becoming the (disturbing) norm.

Kleiza: the smiling assassin continued his gunslinging ways across America tonight. 15 points in 27 minutes and an evil grin that made you feel he just killed your daughter’s pet rabbit and fed it to your dog.  I’d be the first to buy a shirt with his face on this shirt.

Driving the bus: DeMar DeRozan

Under the bus: James Johnson

Theme of the Game: