The “I think RIM would have had a better fourth quarter than that” edition:

Alabi: yes, indeed, it was THAT bad. Solomon had to throw his gum out and hit the court.  The gum was shocked too.

Bargnani: shhh….listen….hear that? It’s the Republic saying WTF.  Easing back….out of rhythm….Bayless instead of Calderon….. Come on, people. He has been playing with zero focus, other than maybe imagining his volleyball playing girlfriend using his body as a spiking dummy. Other than some clear path action, he looked (and has looked) like he was hoping it was May.

Bayless: hey, guess who left the game early due to injury?  Yay!!! Poor bastard finally finds some consistency and now we have to wonder if Rasual Butler can still function as a human.  Bayless did come back and try to play, but they shut him down. I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow, but it was still about as welcome a sight as blood in your urine.

Calderon: hey, if you want to come back you might as well do it against the guy that has created more buzz than a Kardashian sex tape……of the cute one. Jose fared pretty well, posting 11 points, 9 rebounds and more pointing than a season full of Tebow’s.

Davis: P is for Potential. L is for the losers that made out that Davis was ready for prime time soon after he was drafted.  Two seasons later he looks like a guy that would have difficulty smiling as he is achieving orgasm and plays with about as much reliability as a tire with no treads driving down a mountain in British Columbia.  One of the jackasses tonight said that Davis should have his way with the lineup on the floor for the Knicks.  No crap, really? He’s been playing second units all season and has given us next to nothing most games. Waste of a pick.

DeRozan: you know when it’s lunch time and you are surrounded by a lot of places that provide bad healthy options, yet are so good and you just can’t decide what to pick? DeMar is the Quarter Pounder combo in this scenario. He was the pick of the litter full of runts tonight without doing anything spectacular or worthy of him standing out in the crowd. He shot the ball well and he didn’t bounce the ball off of Woody Allen’s head.

Forbes: close your eyes and imagine you just spun a quarter on its side. Spinning well. Spinning….spinning….slowing down….now it’s wobbling just before it falls flat and all the fun is gone.  That wobbling part?  Call that the Gary.

Gray: only on a night like this can you have the big non-Italian white guy on your team that looks like he would pick an injured kitten up off the street and perform CPR on it absolutely blow a basket off a silly call, get T’d up twice in quick succession from it and then have him kick the ball like a 6 year old girl. The only thing missing was him dragging a towel behind him as he went to the locker room like it was his blankie.

A. Johnson: Alex, I would like to take “Underachieving People Who Don’t Care Anymore” for 2 loonies, please.  You could stick Rihanna’s phone number on the ball right now and Amir would let some 16 year old punk from Scarborough out hustle him to it.

J. Johnson: he might have a red jacket and red shoes, but the only thing red I see is his game. A rebound, a steal, a block and 4 fouls in the mecca?  You want to come to the game dressed like a pimp, you better back that stuff up. The only thing he backed up tonight was my toilet.

Kleiza: for some reason, Linas has turned into a modern day Reggie Miller. Not sure why, but 75% of his screen time lately has been him jawing with the officials like he just found out he had been accused of stealing candy from the hands of a baby. Tonight Casey had to go out on the court and basically give him a soother. It was unbecoming and embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as Spike Lee in a bright orange oversized basketball jersey, but pretty bad.

Driving the bus: DeMar DeRozan

Under the bus: Aaron Gray

Theme of the Game:

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