Game Analysis

Raptors Roll Call March 30 vs Heat

Ashamed at first, then proud, then excited, then let down. Sex with Miley Cyrus or the night as a Raptors fan? The Heat win 113-101 and drop us to 17-35.

The “man do we ever miss Chris Bosh” edition:

Anderson: well, there is something to be said about Canadians and their love of supporting those less fortunate than ourselves. Apparently that trait has made its way into Colangelo’s blood as there is no other reason for picking up this guy who, so far, has amounted to a melted pint of ice cream.

Bargnani: after getting yanked and just barely falling short of getting publicly flogged early in the first quarter after defending like he was boxing Holyfield but just using his elbows, Andy turned up his offence to try and mask it. It worked in that throughout the game he seemed to hit a shot to bring us within a sniff of winning this thing. However, the fact that he did absolutely nothing on the other side of the ball was a major factor in us losing instead.

Calderon: 16 assists handed out on a night where the Raptors shot a scorching 54%. He certainly outplayed Chalmers and he was left licking his lips at the thought of being able to feed the Big 3 in Miami next season. Nash bedamned.

Davis: he was brought in early but was so ineffective it reminded me of the time I tried to play my XBox using my Playstation controller.

DeRozan: think he was pumped to play Bosh? Think he gets up for big games when he wants to? Fantastic effort tonight in attacking, drawing, involving and almost dominating. Defensively he put up as much resistance as a stripper being asked to go to the VIP room, but that’s hardly shocking.  He needs a tape of this game to watch every day this summer with the phrase “Do This” subliminally flashing throughout.

Forbes: kiss of death when people start flashing your graphic up on the board showing how well you have done over the past couple of games. These are the big boys, Gary….you have to remove the thumb from your rectum, run the floor hard and move without the ball.

Gray: started the game and after playing 4 minutes on what was apparently a quicksand laden court at the ACC, he was pulled never to see said floor again. He was getting abused more than a bottle of Grey Goose at Muzik.

A. Johnson: slick game tonight. Speed (!), intelligence (!), hitting shots (!!)…..A solid double double against his former friend and someone he saw in practice enough to learn how to take it to him.

J. Johnson: buddy needs to take some Buckley’s, feel better, and get back to how he’s played the past few weeks. There were times tonight that I looked up to the roof at the ACC to see if there was a disco ball emitting pretty coloured lights since James seemed to be concentrating skyward as opposed to his mark.

Kleiza: started again and lets just say it suits him like coconut on a steak. He looks like he’s saying to himself “wait, what are these guys doing in the centre of the court and how come the cheerleaders just left and why is there only half a crowd here and why is nobody really sweating yet and why are the other teams best players out here?”. By the time he is finished asking himself that question, the Heat are up 10. JJ might be sick, but I’d rather have Solomon out there with a blindfold and one arm tied behind his back fouling someone than having Linas out there looking like he was just dropped off in Alliston.

Uzoh: still finding his way, gotta give him time, the effort is there, we all want world peace, children of the world need our help, he needs a few more practices, he is embarrassed that his family invented an apertif.  Take your pick and play the Devlin game!!! Prizes for all!!

Driving the bus: DeMar DeRozan

Under the bus: Aaron Gray

Theme of the Game:

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