Kyrie Irving

The “experimental phase” edition:

Alabi: want to know why there was no lightning storm today as predicted?  Casey had his trainers in the back pulling in all electrical charges in order to shock Solo to life. It worked. The city shook as if Mayor Ford had jumped off his couch when Solomon saw minutes in the first half and, wait for it, he deserved to come back! 24 minutes in all, going 4 of 9, and putting up 8 points, 9 rebounds with 4 of those offensive.

Anderson: after getting picked up for the season he came out and showed what an average night for him is. He was a great cheerleader from the bench, but in 25 minutes of burn he didn’t really rise above his teammates to say thank you for the support.

Davis: I’m ecstatic to hear he knows he needs to keep at it in the summer and come back a hell of lot better (read: bigger) next season. He had a monster block in this game that made me cross my legs just witnessing it, but the rest of his night featured the Edward Special: blend into the background and look like you’d rather be watching Desperate Housewives.

DeRozan: he has verbalized the fact that he knows he needs to step up and statistically he has….but is that more a result of he is basically the only go-to guy left standing? Don’t get me wrong, he played well tonight and certainly filled the bucket, but his on-court persona doesn’t befit a leader, an assistant or a closer.

Forbes: back to 20+ minutes, but uggggghhhhhhhh-ly.  I’ve seen sexier performances put on at 50+ night at For Your Eyes Only.  Nothing clicked for Gary…including the seatbelt to keep him attached to the bench, apparently.

Gray: wow. Back in high school, during gym class one day, this oaf of a guy literally missed punting a football 3 times straight. Not a held ball, not one on a tee, one literally dropped from his own hands 2 feet to his foot. 3 times. If that was Aaron Gray, it would have been 4 times after a night like this.

A. Johnson: Mr. Chuckles posted an 8 and 8 tonight and he played with a bit more pep in his step. Maybe the Canadian dosage in his Midol is stronger than the US version? He must be pretty stoked that the end is near…his season has been so up and down it’s sponsored by American Standard.

J. Johnson: Jimmy Jams made a re-appearance tonight.  A fierce dunk in the first half that will undoubtedly be shown on TSN 14 times an hour to boost their Canadian content, he made his way to the line, he passed out 5 dimes, he howled at the moon and he almost kissed Amir. Quite the Monday night for a guy who is more smug than the entire male cast of Jersey Shore.

Uzoh: if there was a magnet on the ball and the opposite magnet in the bottom of the net, he would have the ball land on the score clock. Just a horrible shooting night, but 10 rebounds?? Is that right?? We haven’t seen rebounding prowess like that from the PG position since Darrell Walker had hair!

Driving the bus: DeMar DeRozan

Under the bus: Aaron Gray

Theme of the Game: