The Ring 2.
Beethoven’s 2nd.
Rocky V.
Babe 2: Pig in the City.
Blues Brothers 2000.
Teen Wolf Too.
Raptors-Bobcats IV.

These are some of the worst sequels of all time. In this case, though, not even the original(s) were any good.

Raptors-Bobcats I: The First Apology
Raptors-Bobcats II: The Blow-out
Raptors-Bobcats III: The Tankening
Raptors-Bobcats IV: In Which We Gouge Our Eyes Out

Maybe it won’t be that bad. Last Friday’s game, after all, was a win for the Raptors. But it was a terrible 92-78 affair. Amir Johnson went gangbusters, Rudy Gay had just his second 50%-plus game as a Raptor, and Terrence Ross got some run and looked decent.

Tonight, we’ll have to look for the same kind of minor victories, since there is no pressing need for either team to win or play inspired basketball. The Bobcats are third last in offense and last in defense but they HAVE won nine home games compared to six road games. So, I guess, this will be marginally more difficult than Friday.

The Raptors will want to basically replicate the defensive game plan from Friday, where they allowed Gerald Henderson and Kemba Walker to score through volume instead of efficiency, while outworking the Cats on the glass. On offense, handling the ball more carefully could lead to additional possessions, and 19 turnovers isn’t acceptable against this squad anyway. After all, possessions against Charlotte are worth more than against any other team, since their defense is so porous.

Now, for the rest of the pre-game, instead of analyzing things, I thought I would ask other basketball people an interesting question:

What would have to happen for you to flip over to the Bobcats-Raptors game on a night with 10 other NBA games on?

Michael Pina of CelticsHub, RedNinetyFour and more: “10 commercial breaks.”

Kirk Henderson of Two Man Game: “I would need 1970s-1980s rock to be played instead of announcing.”

Jim Cavan of Knickerblogger and NYTimes: “‪Drugs probably isn’t an appropriate answer….‬color blindness?”

Jared Dubin of Hardwood Paroxysm and HoopChalk: “‪Someone tweeting #LeaguePassAlert Byron Mullens just ate a person during the Bobcats-Raptors game‬.”

Sean Highkin of Hardwood Paroxysm: “It would have to be the only channel of League Pass that works. Which isn’t entirely off the table, because Comcast is the worst.”

Andrew Lynch of Hardwood Paroxysm and Valley of the Suns: “‪Any of the young guys going off, or it being a close game in the closing minutes as the second round of games is just getting started.‬”

Jovan Buha of ClipperBlog: “A fight and/or a player breaking a scoring/shooting record.”

Fred Katz of ClipperBlog and RotoWire: “All other channels out, power is down, every book I own is burned, there’s a hurricane outside so I can’t leave the house, and Michael Jordan has announced he’s making a comeback with Charlotte.”

Steve McPherson of A Wolf Among Wolves, Hardwood Paroxysm and more: “Reports of the appearance of a ghostly figure in the shape and likeness of DeMar DeRozan playing incredible help defense.”

So there you have it. You might be the only one on the internet watching the game, reader. But that’s okay, because it makes you an expert on “the March 20, 2013 game between Charlotte and Toronto” if such a thing ever becomes of historical importance.

The Picks
Vegas: Raptors -6
Hollinger: Raptors -6.5
Blake: Raptors by 9. I don’t see the Bobcats showing up, once again. Here are some other predictions:

*Rudy Gay takes exactly three long two pointers.
*Jonas Valanciunas over-helps but recovers in time to foul.
*Amir Johnson has another 15-15 game, exploding Twitter.
*At least one commenter on this article makes me bang my head against a wall.
*Arsenalist complains that I scheduled him for another Bobcats game.
*All of our new writers quit.
*Bassy Telfair have it all.
*I troll Dubin with a fake #LeaguePassAlert about Mullens biting someone.
*Michael Jordan smokes fourteen cigars.
*SportVu camera data confirms the Bobcats are horrible.

Tip-off is at 7 p.m. on Sportsnet. Enjoy!

UPDATE: I did a 3-on-3 pre-game with Queen City Hoops that you can check out here.

  • Holycraptors.com

    The Raptors would have to sub in the entire Miami Heat team, and the Bobcats would have to sub in the entire Boston Celtics team.

  • Fontinius

    I find the font used on this site hard to read. I know that sounds annoying but its true.

    • The Grey Nathan

      That definitely does sound annoying. It’s a super normal font.

    • JYFelony

      and this is the comment that will cause Blake to bang his head into a wall. THE FIRST COMMENT! We’re playing the Bobcats tonight, as if things weren’t bad enough before this whining.

  • pran

    gay shot greater than 50 % last two games, good chance he can make it a 3rd straight, against a poor charlotte team.

    • SwishCheeze

      Not likely! Hoops hype this morning has another grizzly player sounding happier then pigs in shit to have Gay gone! Last week was Tony and this week it Zebo! Talking about how much better ball movement is and how finally now everyone’s on the same page!!

      • pran

        well memphis spends more possessions feeding the ball to players in the post as that is one of their strengths. Just because rudy’s particular skillset (and weaknesses) wasn’t a good fit on memphis, it doesn’t necessarily mean he can’t have a greater impact on this toronto team who runs its offense through its wings. Those memphis players are probably right, good for them, they found a role player in prince who fit their system better.

        • SwishCheeze

          Agreed, there something to be said about fit but I’m just speaking from an efficiency stand point. Like u said he was a 3rd option for Memphis. He’s been shooting poorly for 2 years. Does it really make sence to think those #’s will get better now he is the primary focus of each opposing teams defense?

          • pran

            was rudy gay the 3rd option? or the option when the shotclock was almost up? resulting in him taking shots that were not the best looks he could have, which equals lower fg %. Rudy gay is not innocent, he has a tendency to chuck, but if rudy gay was put into a position (ie. end of shotclock) which would naturally have a tendency to lower his efficiency, is it really fair to draw conclusions from that. Great discussion btw.

  • arsenalist

    FML for having to write a quick reaction and post-game for this.

  • c_bcm

    HAHAHA. DD’s ghost, soon to become a classic.

  • c_bcm

    Guys, listen. Just because this game is going to be somewhat intolerable from a basketball perspective, watch it, and enjoy it. You will miss games even like this one in July/August when we have been without Raps ball for a while.

    Only 15 games to go. So try to enjoy them while you can.

    • Marz

      It makes sense, then, to record this game and watch it in July/August, when even shitty basketball will be better than summer league. Great idea, c_bcm!

      • Nilanka15

        I think I’d prefer Summer League. That way, Ross and Jonas are guaranteed big minutes…

    • Copywryter

      I agreed with you until I remembered ESPN classic. Very tall men in the athletic equivalent of hot pants are still better than nothing, and definitely better than Raptors/Bobcats.

  • Nils L.

    I’m strongly considering watching a documentary on PBS instead of this game tonight.

  • mountio

    where did the chat go?