Breaking: Drunk Driving Charges Against Jonas Valanciunas Dropped

Freedom. At long last, freedom.

You might recall that Jonas Valanciunas, on a cold April night, was charged with drunk driving.  The short of it was that he went to a local drive-thru, had empties in the back, which caught the eye of the drive-thru attendant, who informed the cops, who showed up at his house and arrested Valanciunas.  It’s almost like a nursery rhyme if you say it a few times fast.

The “crown” (if you’re American it means the government), has now decided that there’s no hard evidence here to convict Valanciunas and that that lawyer money is best spent elsewhere, perhaps funding a subway line or something.  Young Jonas should consider himself lucky that this has gone away because and hire himself a driver right away. This sort of thing sticks on your record like a dead fly, not that he’ll ever need to apply for a job only to get rejected because of this but still, yeah…something.

He had apologized at the time:

“I apologize to the organization, my teammates, my family and my fans, and regret any negativity this incident has brought upon them.”

To make further amends, he followed it up with a monster performance against Philly (reaction post) after which he had apologized again:

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