10. Doesn’t have to constantly remind TNT’s replay team that a replay needs to be shown
9. Higher quality of opposition prevents need for hyperbole
8. Cheque for TNT broadcasts cut by Turner, not MLSE
7. The excitement of knowing that highlights will be shown on Sportcenter, not Sportscentre
6. Feels relieved for not having to promote silly nicknames and phrases (ahem, “vintage Ross”)
5. Keen eye on Mike Breen’s job keeps motivation levels high
4. The Czar doesn’t tolerate Bonjovi and beer references, making for more professional broadcast
3. Zero chance of Indiana holding a “Punjabi night” at Conseco Fieldhouse
2. Newton’s Fifth Law: A man’s intelligence is directly proportional to the distance between said man and Leo Rautins

…and the #1 reason Matt Devlin is solid on TNT but terrible when calling the Raptors…drum roll….

1. Unlike the Raptors, TNT contract has no clause about sucking up to a GM

So…that brings us to today’s piece: a random collection of fun Raptors’ swag on the internet.

Ridiculous 14K Gold Raptors Logo Charm
Price: $331.46 US
Link
For whatever reason, a gold Raptors charm exists. Who would pay upwards of 300 bucks for such a thing, I’m not sure, but if that person is you, you’re welcome.

Obscenely Priced Game-Worn Alvin Robertson Jersey
Price: $859.99 US
Link
Alvin Robertson played 77 games for the Raptors in 1995-96, and apparently wore this jersey. And for nearly a grand, it can be yours!

Awesome 5’x8’ Raptors Rug
Price: $270.00 US
Link
Gotta be honest, if I had a house with hardwood floor rather than a carpeted apartment, I’d think about it…although I doubt it’s any nicer than the 2’x4’ blanket I got for free one time for filling out an MBNA form with fake info.

18”x18” Raptors Carpet Tiles
Price: $240.00 US (20 tiles)
Link
Maybe this is more practical for some, trading one giant carpet for smaller carpet tiles. Hey, at least they don’t give these out for free…and you can arrange the 20 tiles however you like!

Autographed Game-Worn Jalen Rose Sneakers
Price: $199.99 US
Link
Okay, if these are legit, it’s a pretty awesome buy. The seller says they were bought from the Raptors and come with a Certificate of Authenticity, though it’d probably be worthwhile to send Jalen the pic and ask him personally @JalenRose.

1996 Damon Stoudamire Figure
Price: $4.99 US
Link
When you see “$5” and “free shipping” in the same sale, it’s almost always a must-buy. This tiny little Damon figure, while not resembling him at all, could be a nice addition to any bobblehead/memorabilia shelf.

Raptors “NBA Champion” T-Shirt
Price: $14.99 US
Link
No, it’s not what I thought – I thought maybe someone had made a Raptors’ shirt celebrating a Championship in advance one season, only to be burned one of the many times the team has been so close to the Larry O’Brien trophy. Instead, it’s a crappy shirt from the brand Champion. Do not buy.

Raptors Lighted Wine Bottle
Price: $20.00 US
Link
I guess the logic here is that if you cheer for the Raptors, you’re probably a drinker. Safe bet. Not sure how this would look in a grown-up’s house, but any in the college/Uni crowd may appreciate it.

Raptors’ Cornucopia of Swag
Price: $600.00 CND
Link
This guy isn’t playing around! If you have $600 lying around, he has a video showing you all of the awesome and ridiculous Raptors’ gear he’s selling as one giant package. The only thing missing is the giant rock from the locker room.

Lovely Raptors Chain/Watch
Price: $59.95 US
Link
Does your significant other like bad jewellery, the Raptors, and telling time? Then this really strange Raptors’ heart-shaped watch on a chain is for you, or him/her. If you would like to buy me this as a thank you for my RR contributions, DM me on Twitter for my home address.

Big-Ass Rock
Price: $75.98 CND
Link
Now you too can pound the rock along with the Raptors, thanks to Home Depot! Prices of actual giant rocks, as well as shipping concerns, probably make that unrealistic for most of us, so join Casey & Co by pounding this 19”x29”x30” plastic resin replica!

Alright…so there’s those. Thank you for letting me waste your time. Check back regularly over the next few weeks in advance of training camp, though, as there are some potential pieces coming your way – more on line-up optimization, scheduling notes, and Hollinger’s annual player predictions and notes among them.

And as always, follow me on Twitter @BlakeMurphyODC.

The reserve crew at the RR home office in Athabasca, Alberta have delivered a new installment of the Top Ten List, this time uncovering ominous signs that lead one to believe Bryan Colangelo’s about to sign a new contract. They present the Top Ten Signs Bryan Colangelo Will Be Extended.

10. “Bug” in MLSE’s Microsoft Exchange software doesn’t allow any meeting to be scheduled without Colangelo present.
9. Glen Silvestri hasn’t shown for work in weeks, not answering phones and has family referring to him in past tense.
8. Maurizio Gherardini extended his contract with Pizza Pizza home-delivery.
7. Draft “war room” has Colangelo’s signature design: nothing but a PS3 hooked up to Netflix.
6. Steve Fruitman pulling overtime working on a trade returning Jake Voskuhl and Fred Jones to Toronto.
5. DancePak practicing new routine which ends in formation of “We ♥ BC”.
4. “Help” button in every MLSE elevator dials collect call to Jerry Colangelo.
3. To pay for Colangelo’s raise, beer at ACC now costs $60 and a pint of your blood.
2. Latest Colangelo Twitter update: “Whaaaaaaa…no waayy…seriously…after all that?….cooooolllll”.

…and the #1 sign that Colangelo’s being extended…drum roll….

1. Overheard in MLSE hallway: “Donatas Motiejunas reminds me of Bill Russell…or Greg Oden…I don’t know, one of them.”

As the RR fiscal year ends, the boys at the home office in Athabasca, Alberta, had some funding left over which they used to plant spies at MLSE offices. Money well spent as they present the Top Ten Things Overheard in Colangelo’s Office.

10. Would anyone notice if we replace Chris Bosh with Ed Davis?
9. Heads, we trade Jack. Tails, Calderon.
8. OK, who have I acquired in the last year that I haven’t traded yet?
7. Maurizio, please don’t use your tie as a napkin.
6. Hi, is Marc there?…yes, I’ll hold…Hi Marc…good, good, you?…..I just called to say that you don’t need to come in to work tomorrow…Why? Because you’re a defensive specialist and we’re dead last in the league in defense, sort of an indictment on you, don’t you think?….you don’t? That’s odd, I would have thought it be pretty clear….I don’t want to argue Marc, let’s just move on…there’s no need for name calling, let’s be civilized about this….well, *&^% you too then.
5. P.J, please take the next flight to Istanbul and stab Turkoglu in the eye.
4. Maybe if we put every Raptors game on Oasis HD, nobody will realize that we suck.
3. I called this meeting to discuss ways in which we can make Chris Bosh look like the bad guy.
2. Who needs a proper scouting department when you have YouTube?

…and the #1 thing overheard in Colangelo’s office…drum roll….

1. Somebody teach me how to use Workopolis. Fast.

As soon as the home office in Athabasca, Alberta, got the word that there wasn’t going to be a Sunday morning post, they telegraphed this in. Without further ado, they present the Top Ten Reasons to Re-sign Patrick O’Bryant

10. Of the 1000 O’Bryant jerseys created, 999 still for sale at Center Sports.
9. DNPCDs just aren’t the same without him.
8. Solomon Alabi needs someone to talk to at the deep end of the bench.
7. Just so there’s somebody to blame when things go wrong, it’s good to have at least one Irishman around.
6. Replenish his bank account so he can spend more time at the Playboy Mansion.
5. If you played Six Degrees of Will Solomon, you’d only need one degree to get to Will.
4. In the event of a fight, it’s a comforting feeling to know that POB “has your back”.
3. Prevent Miami from getting their hands on him, thus guaranteeing a championship.
2. A career with 126 fouls and 127 rebounds might sound like nothing, but wait till you see him in NBA Live.

…and the #1 reason to Re-sign Patrick O’Bryant…drum roll….

1. If he’s gone, there would be no way of knowing when garbage time officially started.

Fairness is virtue, and the staff at the RR home office in Athabasca, Alberta fully subscribe to that as they present the Top Ten Bryan Colangelo Successes.

10. Drafted DeMar DeRozan with the 9th overall pick in the 2009 draft. DeRozan was far from spectacular in his rookie year, was a little streaky but brings athleticism and an ability to get to the FT line. It’s too early to judge this move, but it does appear that DeRozan is on his way to being a good NBA player.
9. In his second summer in charge, signed D-Leaguer Jamario Moon who nobody had ever heard of. Moon had a good season in Toronto as a backup and occasional starter, but as soon as he was promoted to the starting lineup in his second year, he struggled and eventually got thrown in as filler in the Shawn Marion trade.
8. Traded Fred Jones to the Portland Trail Blazers for Juan Dixon. Jones was signed as a free-agent but failed to fire (39% FG with the Raptors), so Colangelo acted at the trade deadline and got Juan Dixon for him. In limited minutes, Dixon played the role of a tweener guard very well.
7. Traded Rafael Araujo to the Utah Jazz for Kris Humphries and Robert Whaley. Araujo now plays in Brazil. With monkeys in the Amazon. Humphries turned out to be a serviceable player for the Raptors.
6. Traded two future second-round picks to the Detroit Pistons for Carlos Delfino. Delfino wasn’t getting the playing time in Detroit and the Raptors nabbed him on the cheap. He turned out to be a solid player for the Raptors, albeit a little inconsistent. Later on he was parlayed into Amir Johnson and Sonny Weems.
5. Traded Charlie Villanueva to the Milwaukee Bucks for TJ Ford and cash. After stating publicly that Villauneva was part of the Raptors future, he traded him days later for Ford. The trade got mixed reviews but Ford was a key part of the Raptors division-winning 2006-07 squad.
4. In Colangelo’s first summer, he dipped into the European market successfully once again and picked out Jorge Garbajosa, who brought much-needed grit and a defensive presence at multiple positions.
3. As part of the Raptors early rebuild, signed Anthony Parker who was still at the tail end of his prime. The Raptors got one very good year, one decent year and one bad year out of him. Parker was the key wingman in the Raptors 2006-07 season as he shot a blistering 44% from three.
2. Signed guard Jarrett Jack for the mid-level exception in 2009. Jack was perhaps the Raptors grittiest player this season and one of the few Raptors whose effort could not be questioned. Surprisingly, he led the team in 3P% at 41.2%, reduce his TO/48 and increases his A/48.

…and the #1 Bryan Colangelo success is…drum roll….

1. Traded Carlos Delfino and Roko Ukic to the Milwaukee Bucks for Amir Johnson and Sonny Weems. The trade was made for Johnson with Weems as a throw-in. Weems turned out to be a much more refined player than originally though and is now widely considered to be part of the Raptors “core”. Sometimes you need to be good to be lucky.

After a tenuous struggle for power at the RR home office in Athabasca, Alberta which caused them to not submit a Top Ten list all season long, they have finally elected new officials so business can finally get underway. After much deliberation and debate, the crew has worked hard to select the Top Ten Bryan Colangelo Mistakes.

10. Re-signed Sam Mitchell after he won the Coach of the Year award. Mitchell was the wrong the coach for the Euroraptors and once the scouting reports on Bargnani, Calderon and Ford got out, it showed the following year.
9. Did not move up in the 2008 draft and missed picking Chris Douglas-Roberts by one pick and did not select Bill Walker when athleticism at the wings was a dire need. Instead selected Nathan Jawai who produced nothing.
8. Failed to make moves at the trade deadline in 2007-08 and 2009-10 which would’ve bolstered the Raptors down the stretch. Rebounding and wing-defense was a concern in 2007-08 and it went unaddressed as the Raptors got trounced by the Magic. In 2009-10, the Raptors missed the playoffs by one game.
7. Trading away the 17th pick in the 2008 draft as part of the Jermaine O’Neal deal when young athleticism at the wing was a desperate need.
6. Picking up the $2.38M option on an unproven Marco Belinelli amidst indications that the salary cap would decrease significantly.
5. Signed Will Solomon and Roko Ukic to handle backup duties to Jose Calderon in the summer of 2008. Not having insurance at PG cost the Raptors dearly once Calderon got hurt and found out defensively as a starter.
4. Signing Jason Kapono to the full mid-level exception in the summer of 2007 when the Nets playoff loss had indicated perimeter defense to be our biggest weakness.
3. Instead of having a long-term plan, traded Jermaine O’Neal to the Miami Heat. O’Neal’s contract would have come off the cap this year; Hedo Turkoglu would never have been signed and we wouldn’t have Marcus Banks. Combine this with not extending Bargnani and Belinelli, and the Raptors would have been close to $35M under the cap and able to extend two max-offers, much like Miami this summer.
2. Extending Andrea Bargnani for $50M/5yrs when there was no indication that anybody else would offer a contract remotely as lucrative. This, in a summer where that money could’ve been used to woo other high profile free-agents like Joe Johnson.

…and the #1 mistake Bryan Colangelo has made…drum roll….

1. Signed Hedo Turkoglu to a $53M/$5yr contract. Turkoglu never got a proper chance to handle the offense as the redundancy factor with Calderon was too great. The Turk was out-of-shape and having poor defenders at 4 out of 5 starting positions made the Raptors the worst defensive team in the league.

10. Have Marco Belinelli come off a screen and take an off-balance three within a second of catching the ball. Do this 500 times a day. It’s not a good shot but maybe if he practices, it could turn into one.
9. DeMar DeRozan can spot-up but can’t pull-up? No problem, put Wright on him and force him to pull-up and shoot a 20-footer. Do this 500 times a day.
8. Clear the gym except for Bosh, Johnson and Bargnani. Play 2-on-1 with Bosh playing offense for four hours, have a restriction that he can’t take a shot from outside 7 feet.
7. Have a scrimmage where every time you miss a defensive assignment, the game is stopped and the culprit does 20 dribbling suicides while everybody else does chinups.
6. Intra-squad game with Calderon-Bosh on one side and Turkoglu-Bargnani on the other. Every offensive play on either team should start with a pick ‘n roll. That’ll get them used to it.
5. Have Johnson and Bargnani view a 20-minute instructional video on the concept of staying between your man and the rim when rebounding. Test them individually as Belinelli’s hoisting his jumpers and Reggie Evans is trying to get the offensive rebound.
4. Scrimmage where every play on Jose’s team starts with a high screen and ends with him either taking a jumper if his man goes under, or driving if he tries to fight through or switch.
3. 4 on 3 fastbreak drills, Jose, Bosh and DeRozan vs. Jack, Bargnani and Wright with Belinelli as the designated offense guy. Simulate the rebound and run – no jumpers allowed, if you can’t get a layup, you have to pass. Let’s see if we’re really serious about run ‘n gun.
2. Practice the hard close-out. When your defense is all about help and recovery, a strong close-out is everything.

…and the #1 thing to do before opening night…drum roll….

1. Have Triano read about the triangle, then have him look at Bargnani, then have him check out the European composition of this team. Then have him wonder why he isn’t even using at least portions of that system.