What you're missing to make your post a complete parody, Dunkin Derozan, is to pull some useless stats to show that Ed Davis sucks and then end all of your sentences with emoticons.

For example, Ed Davis should be traded. I mean come-on, his PER is 13.2, his simple rating is -6.9 and his production is a -12.5 The team is much better with him on the bench

Then perhaps later, Dunkin Derozan, you can bring this up again when Ed Davis gets injured and again make sure to use emoticons to make sure everyone knows you're very happy that he hurt himself and can't play.