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Thread: Bill Simmons Sums Up our Offseason

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  1. #1
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    Default Bill Simmons Sums Up our Offseason

    "Take the half-man, he can dance for the children; kill the other one!"

    For my single favorite moment of the month: Toronto going all out for Steve Nash, even giving Landry Fields a $19 million poison-pill contract in a desperate attempt to block New York's rumored Steve Nash trade … only the Lakers snared Nash and poor Toronto was stuck with Fields(Fields made just 25.6 percent of his 3s last year and had an astonishingly bad 12.0 PER.), leading to a hilarious scenario when the Raptors immediately tried to amnesty Fields's deal even as he was signing it. (Just kidding. I made that up.)

    You know what the whole thing reminded me of? The Larry Sanders roast (one of the greatest TV episodes of all time7), when Artie had to book an obscure comedian named Kip Addotta to get Jerry Seinfeld at the roast, only Seinfeld canceled at the last minute, leading to Addotta droning on at the roast as Larry fake-laughed in pure misery. Eventually, he leaned over to Artie for the following exchange:

    Larry: "Who the f-ck is that?"
    Artie: "That's Kip Addotta."
    Larry: "Who's that?"
    Larry's agent: "He's the guy we had to get to get Seinfeld."
    Larry: "Where's Seinfeld?"
    Larry's agent: "The bastard canceled an hour ago."

    Basically, Toronto's summer was the Larry Sanders roast, Steve Nash was Jerry Seinfeld, and Landry Fields was Kip Addotta. The good news for Toronto: They salvaged things (a little) by acquiring Lowry, and everyone loves last year's no. 1 pick (Jonas Valanciunas, a stud by all accounts). We don't need to get rid of basketball in Canada just yet.



    Pretty much nail on the head. Let's all fake laugh in pure misery together.

    Now please, for the love of god, somebody merge this thread.
    Last edited by NoBan; Fri Jul 20th, 2012 at 12:35 PM.

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