So, after three full days off to shower Jamario Moon with early MVP accolades, hopefully we found some time to run some practices. Whether we’ll get the Raptors or the Craptors tonight against Utah is more difficult to predict than Sam Mitchell’s substitution patterns. So I’m not going to try. Needless to say this might be the biggest test for the Raptors yet this season (the Celtics aren’t as complete a team, in my opinion.)
The 2K7 Jazz are a far cry from their snooze-inducing days of short shorts and black cowboys. They’re riding a four game win-streak, though it’s a little misleading: Wins are over Cleveland, Seattle, Memphis, and Sacramento, who have a combined 8-21 record (take the LeBrons out of the equation, and they’re an embarrassing 4-17).
No wonder they’re currently the league’s most potent offence (111.9ppg on 50% shooting). Beasts like Carlos Boozer and Deron Williams (both averaging impressive double-doubles) will destroy those defenses, Wolvi-Berserker style. The new PG/PF has taken Sloan’s textbook pick’n’roll and MTV’d it up: Faster, flashier, and much, much more nasty. The Jazz look so sharp, even Ivan Drago Andrei Kirilenko has decided to stick around. Guess he wasn’t willing to part with that $63 mill after all.
Their goal, according to the Booze, is to hold us under 100 – and depending on what Raptor squad shows up, that will be either very difficult or ridiculously, ‘Who Wants to be a 5th Grader’ easy. If we get the Nets/Bulls/Sixers version of the Raptors, I might be going home with free pizza…but if the Bucks/Magic Craptors hit the hardwood, we’ll be lucky to drop 50.
Speaking of dropping fifty, if Boozer’s going to do it to anyone this season, it’s going to be against our bigs. The Alaskan Avalanche™ is an anomaly in the modern mini-NBA: A bruising big who WANTS to mess it up down low, but with the ability to step back and hit the silky fadeaway jumper over taller/longer PF and C’s (Boozer’s 6’9 260lbs…he may be short, but solid).
Too bad Hoffa’s not on the Jazz anymore. I would have loved to hear him and Humphries trade stories while Humphries tries not to laugh at the big, dumb oaf. But at least someone’s paying Hoffa this season.
(Sidenote 1: Check out his birth name.)
(Sidenote 2: A Brazillian-born player stuck in Russia? Who says fate doesn’t exist?)
So how do we match up? I imagine Bosh will get help from Humph and Garbo on Boozer. Bargnani will plug his nose and battle Mehmet “What’s Deodorant?” Okur. Jamario will shadow equally-freakish AK, while AP should be able to contain Brewer (though much improved and an excellent source of steals for my fantasy squad). Both TJ and Jose will have difficulties with the stronger Deron Williams, who’s quick enough to stick with both our ballhandlers.
Stud of the Game: Not that I ever get it correct, but I’m pretty sure Boozer’s going to have a big one.
Dud of the Game: Let’s go with, oh, I don’t know…Okur. Sound good? Great. Moving on…
Final Score: What’s the point? I’m always wrong anyway. Though it’s going to take a real team effort to notch a W here.
P.S. The Bobcats beat the Heat while wearing their warmup suits to go to 4-3.
P.P.S. Just when you think no one’s watching the only team north of the border, our boy Bill goes out and butters us up nice:
Reason No. 12,361 why I love the NBA: The Raptors fans are like overbearing Little League parents, only in this case, they’re passionate about an NBA team instead of a Little League son. “What do you mean my kid isn’t good enough??? He’s one of the best hitters on this team! You just don’t like him, that’s the real problem here!” And by the way, that’s not a knock. If every city cared about its team as much as the Toronto cares about the Raps, the NBA would be a much better place.
Fuckin’ right, Simmons.
