You know those once-in-a-lifetime experiences? Well, I had the great fortune of attending the Raptors/Jazz game last night in the company of none other than Sam Mitchell*. Since he wasn’t coaching, he had no problem coming to sit in section 104 and converse with me. After all, as he says, ‘the team kind of just runs itself’.
*Okay, okay not THAT Sam Mitchell. I’m talking about Samantha Mitchell, radio sports personality, cousin of Dinobabe, beer swigger extraordinaire, and the smartest hoopchick I know. And long overdue for a slot on Raptors TV. But anyway, Smitchette and I did our best not to scream too many obscenities through last night’s painful loss, though I think I sprained my wrist smacking the back of the seat in front of me in frustration.
Pre-Game Thought:
– As the Jazz get introduced, they all seem the same exact height.
– Beer is expensive at the ACC. Yet, as always, delicious.
First Quarter
– 11:05: Jamario comes out of the gates flying. Almost spilled my beer all over before he missed the alley-oop. This guy’s getting some instant love and then some. Wonder what happens once the honeymoon is over?
– 10:40: Jamario already has two steals. And the game’s not 90 seconds old. What a sparkplug. He makes John Moschitta Jr. look relaxed.
– Moon changes an AK Shot. Highlight here.
– AK flies through the air like a Russian missle and shoots down a Rasho shot. He might have the longest arms I’ve ever seen on a white guy.
– Okur looks like he plays in a rec league. What a sloth. Yeah, he gets hot from time to time, but they only thing I’d count on him for is a good buffet recommendation.
– 5:55: 13-7 Raps. Slow start for everyone but Jamario and AP.
– As I’m into my second ‘4 Korners’ joke of the quarter, Smitchette informs me that they DJ actual clubs. I thought their only act was to ‘dj’ at the ACC, but apparently they’re not the total sham-sellout act I thought they were. Check this out.
4:43- Parker for 3. Music to my ears. AP is finally getting his legs into his J. He’s got 6 early.
– Bargnani battles for a board. Would not see that last year. He’s gotten instantly tougher. Did he receive some sort of adamantium spine or something?
– It took Smitchette and I two full minutes of detective work to figure out who the phantom white player for the Jazz was. Gordon Giricek. Pronounced Gor-Don. Weird. In other news, he still sucks ass.
– Humphries is out there owning the boards. Showing Slavedriver Sloan what he traded Hoffa for.
AFTER 1: 22-18 Raptors
Second Quarter
– I don’t want to start rumors, but I’m pretty sure Mop Girl just winked at AK. Might she be his one-night pass of ’07? The year is coming to an end. Does it carry over if he doesn’t use it? Regardless, this is absolutely hilarious. Picture him after a Lakers game in early December. Does he use his ‘gimme’ on the sexy blonde eyein’ him from the bar, or does he hold out, risking it all to find a hot Asian next week in Denver? What if he passes up on the hotter chick and ends up with a lesser option down the road? I’d tear my hair out with that type of pressure.
– Sussussudio! Rockin’ a little Phil Collins between 4Korner action. All class, this ACC.
– Jared Collin, Jason Collins, Mardy Collins. Is the last name a sentence to mediocrity? Somebody find Sir Pharoah the Beekeeper for confirmation.
– Humph wrestles another board. He may end up with 20. And still get no credit.
– Smitch is looking gangsta on the sidelines in a Dick-Tracy inspired suit. I bet he’s got a Tommy gun under his long blazer.
– 8:39: Kapono has a quick release, which you’d know if he ever took a shot. 3 points. 27-26 Raptors.
– All them li’l rascals at the St. Ablans Boys and Girls Club are on the Jumbotron! I play ball in that crappy little sweatbox.
– Kapono. Calderon. Humphries. Delfino. Bargnani. 5 white guys on the court. In related news, Andrew Bogut just called up Colangelo and offered to play for free.
– Booze is gettin’ warmed up. I’m so scared I almost spill my beer.
– Jamario almost posterizes AK, gets fouled.
– A big Bosh block immediately followed by a sloppy turnover. That’s the 07-08 Raptors! Like a box of chocolates, these guys.
– “Deal or No Deal” style promo during an official’s time-out. Equally awful as the actual show. Guy could win $500 bucks or keep the TJ Ford jersey he’s been offered be Lana the banker. He goes with the jersey.
– Jamario drains an open deuce to close out the half.
At the half: 39-36 Jazz
Halftime Thoughts:
Through 2, we’re shooting 29.3% I already threw out my ticket stub – not counting on the free pizza tonight.
– Wading through the masses en route to a beer, there are a lot of dumb people at the ACC. Not YOU, of course. Only the other dummies.
– Point totals for our ‘Big Two’: Bosh: 2. Bargnani:0. How can Bosh be our franchise player if he has no role in the offence and doesn’t take any shots? Will we be seeing TJ on media guide covers from now on?
3rd Quarter:
– Jamario takes the first shot out. Just testing that heat meter, testing that confidence.
9:56 – Bosh: 3pts 4 boards. Totally invisible for the 5th game this season. Mark my words, NOT GOOD.
– Someone please tell TJ he’s not Hot Sauce. I don’t think he got the memo. Another reason Jose’s a better PURE PG than TJ.
– And, on cue, TJ makes a nice hustle steal on Williams to make me eat my words.
– Jamario ties it up at 49! Where did this kid come from?? I hope he doesn’t pull a Loren Woods on us and disappear after a couple monster games.
– Jamario with a nice feed to Humph for the unlikely highlight of the game.
– 5:06: Up by 2. 51-49. What a slowwww game. This favors Utah, have no illusions.
– TJ’s turning it on. 10pts, 4bds, 6 assists.
End of 3: 64-59 Jazz.
Fourth Quarter
– 11:06: A tough stepback J for Delfino brings us within 3. 64-61 Jazz.
– Deron “Hot Stuff” Williams just snapped Jose’s ankles like a hard tortilla with a killer crossover. Kid’s nasty.
– Humpy gets away with a goaltend. 69-65…hanging around.
-9:08: Humph’s 10th board. Where’s Bosh? We’re down by four. Oh right, on the bench. Seriously Sam?
– Humph dives for the ball! More hustle!
– 6:42: Boos from the home crowd. 71-67 Jazz. Interesting observation: After Jose turns it over he’s subbed out for TJ Ford. Everyone on the Raptors bench slaps Jose’s hand. Except Sam, who just shakes his head. Wonder who’s his favorite?
– Bosh has 6pts, 7 bds. With 6 minutes left in the fourth. Those are Pryzbilla numbers. Nay, Robert Swift numbers.
– 6:25: We’re in the penalty already. We’re losing this game. I call it now.
– Bosh for another 2. Where was this during the first 24 minutes?
– AP for 3. Somehow, we’re winning. But don’t get too excited. 77-74
– After a horrible call, I finally fulfilled the prophecy and spilled a full beer on my jeans. Now I look like the kid who peed his pants in Billy Madison. (For a thousand bucks, I’ll get this kid to come to your birthday party, piss himself, and leave. Seriously. I can make it happen.)
– Jamario for 3! We’re down 83-79, just close enough to get us going.
-2:20: Big Bosh JAM (see it here – 24 second mark) 85-81 Jazz.
– Bad call off Jamario out of bounds that gives Jazz posession and might cost us the game. The game we should already have lost.
27.9 sec: Easy bucket for Utah. Why? Because Sloan calls plays. And his team executes them. 89-85
Utah misses a free throw. Still down 3.
17 seconds left: Where’s the timeout Sam! Where?!?!?
– Implementing Sam’s ‘no-timeout’ strategy, TJ crosses halfcourt and doesn’t even look to pass. Sure, specialists like Kapono are on the court. Instead he dribbles, goes to shoot, is forced to pass it off in mid-air cause he’s defended, gets the ball back from Humph, same thing happens, and the madness ends with a bad three-ball chucked high in the air (without EVER looking to pass). Rims out, we lose.
Final Score: 92-88 Jazz.
End of game notes: Way to butcher the end of a game, Sam. Jerry Sloan calls plays. Pat Riley calls plays. The Van Gundy Trolls call plays. Even Doc Rivers calls…wait, nevermind. But Sloan calls plays!
There are some that say Sam is more a ‘pep talk’ type of coach than an ‘X and Y’ type of coach. To me, this makes no sense. There’s a huge difference between basketball coach and motivational speaker. If he’s not good with things like ‘strategy’, ‘clock management’, or ‘substitutions’, then he should be an assistant rather than the front man.
I honestly beleive Sam winning COY (over a more deserved Sloan) was the worst thing that could happen to this franchise. Can’t fire the COY, can ya? Now we’re stuck with an overvalued coach for at least one more season, even though a blind monkey knows that BC is architect of last year’s success. Can an executive win Coach of the Year?. Beleive me, I’m not one of those Samwagon jumpers. I never liked him, never thought he was the right man for the job. Now, imagine if we had, say Adelman. Or Van Gundy (not the midget, the bowling ball)…
We have the hammer, the nails, the wood all piled up. Just the wrong carpenter. You’d think that when he keeps slamming the hammer into his thumb we’d get the point. But so far, he’s still banging away.
P.S. Bobcats are 4-4. Anyone else notice that the Char/Toronto records have been eerily in sync? (not to be confused with queerily N Sync, pictured below)
