CCCRRRRACCCCKKKKK!
Thats sound you heard echoing from the southwestern tip of Ontario was the breaking of a fanbase’s collective heart. True, we didn’t deserve to win this game, and true, we got lucky on more than one occasion, but deep down (above the beer gut and behind your man-boobs) we all felt like somehow, some way, we just might pull this one out.
We nearly did.
Gotta give it up to the Wizards tonight – every time we turned the tide, one of their flash-in-the-pan nobodies would make a HUGE shot* and keep the pressure – and the lead – on the Raptors. Now they have a better record than we do, which is all the evidence I need that, sadly, the terrorists have won.
* Or miss a huge shot but receive an extra possession courtesy of Jamison or McGuire, to be more accurate.
After shooting 69% from 3 over the last two games (It might as well have been 100% – we never missed) the Raptors unfortunately came down off the peyote and shot 37% from behind the arc this game. Bosh, Humphries, and Jose shot 66% combined, but the rest of the Raptors were ice cold. They weren’t air-balling or anything, just one of those in-and-out nights that frustrate fans and feast on the confidence of players. After Chris rained his Ostrich Fury all across the court in the first half to finish with 21pts and 7 boards, Washington doubled him without exception until they soured his rhythm.
That’s a TOUGH shot. (p.s. Check the sperm-colored Adidas the Wiz wear. Gross!)
I’m going to take it easy on them tonight, in part because we have a chance to get it back tomorrow, but also because I would feel hypocritical if I spit too much shit on a team that had me jumping out of my seat in excitement on more than one occasion.
Blatche? Is that you!?!
Like I said before, gotta hand it to the Wiz. Playing without Caron Butler, they weathered a 12 minute streak in the second before turning it on in the third. As usual, we couldn’t close out a quarter and tonight, it cost us the game. We were up by 46-36 with less than two minutes left in the quarter. They go on a run and end the quarter 50-46. That takes some serious manhood-sacs. With Butler out, they could have easily called it a night once we started rolling Bosh took over the game, but they persevered. Let’s be honest, Andre Blatche won’t look like KG every night, DeShawn Stevenson won’t earn his ludicrous salary every night, but Roger Mason* WILL look like an rejected extra from “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”. Every. Single. Night.
*What is it with this guy, anyway? He acts like he walked into his bedroom one day and caught his girlfriend blowing some dude in a Raptors hoodie.
Exciting buzzer-beaters and last-minute turnarounds are all tickles and fuzzy socks, but there were major catastrophes in our offensive and defensive execution. The gaping holes from games-past were ever-present tonight, letting the draft come through and blow on our stupid asses. Stepping under screens to allow their shooters a good look, settling for jumpers when their players are in foul trouble – these things have slipped in and out of our season on a quarter by quarter basis, but not all our shortcomings are our fault. True Fact: The Toronto Raptors have a rare physiological disorder where they actually CAN’T box a player out on the offensive end. It’s all a matter of counter-magnetic pull… but it’s complicated, and I don’t want to confuse the laymans so I won’t get into it.
KILLED ON THE BOARDS. Is there any other way to say it? Jamison was an All-Star tonight with 20 boards (and 24 points), but by far the most frustrating was when Dominic McGuire either jumped over us or had no opposition to grab a O-board. These boards led to second chance points that effectively shackled any chance we had at a run. And trust my prom date, it’s tough to run in shackles. Good teams just don’t hand out these extra possessions. Bosh’s 12 were hard-fought, but give the guy some help. Delfino, Jamario, Humphries – get on those boards! Bargnani grabbed 7 early but didn’t see much action after that…and you can’t grab many boards from the bench.
So how does this affect tomorrow? Well, I don’t think you can say that they have the momentum after the way we so easily got back into this game, but you can definitely say we CANNOT drop two straight to a Caron-less Wizards team. That would NOT impress Damon (but maybe this will…c’mon, Mighty Mouse, I’ll up the sister ante to THIRD base and send you a new Build-A-Bear every day for the rest of the season…)
GAME NOTES:
- I think Washington leads the NBA in the all-important “Fans With Bluetooth Headsets” category. They should be very proud.
- Good to see DeShawn and Drew Gooden keeping their beard-growing contest alive. Because usually, Deshawn and Drew don’t look ridiculous at all.
- Chuck and Leo, enough with the Calderon/Nash comparisons. They’re nowhere near the same players. Let Jose be Jose. Because Jose is Jo-kay on his own.
- Who’s this Pecherov character? The man Gilbert calls “Oily” looks like he got roofied this afternoon. This passes for an athlete in Whereversyllvaniaazistan?
- Apparently Carlos Delfino “loves” playing the point. He started at that position when he went pro at 15. FIFTEEN!?! How can that even be legal? Can Goldman Sachs just start hiring 15-year-old analysts? From braces to restroom swipe cards.
- Why are we always the squad that scrubs post career-highs against? McGuire’s 10 boards were a step up from his previous career high of…THREE.
- When the Raptors were stuck in a rut settling for jumpers, Mitchell called on Humph to bring in some aggressiveness. He answered with 8-9 from the field for 16 essential points.
- Good to see Hoopdome on TV!
- The way Juan plays against Washington, he’s almost worth keeping around in case we meet them in the playoffs.
- Three’s in this game for both Andre Blatche and Chris Bosh? I wish I took those odds in Vegas.
- Now that I’m in a gambling mood, five bucks says Doug Smith mentions Rod Black’s Wally Pipp reference tonight. He’s all over that shit.
- Joey Graham can now add Dick Bavetta to the list of people that don’t respect him as an athlete.
- DeShawn Stevenson might be more unlikeable than Paul Pierce. I said “might”. Let me get back to you on this.
- I was tremendously happy when Bosh whacked Andre Blatche in the nuts, marking the first and only time I will ever cheer for a man’s joint to get rattled.
- Antawn Jamison is a fantastic basketball player, even if he is a sissy little flopper.