We apologize profusely, but we can’t seem to find the guy who was supposed to write tonight’s Quick Reaction.
 | Amir Johnson, PF Shot Chart 20 MIN | 3-8 FG | 0-0 FT | 6 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 6 PTS | +5 Awesome pawsum. If he was a unicorn, he’d be pink, have amazing breasts, and ride a dragon into wars against an army of aliens who all look like Kyle Korver. |  |
 | Jonas Valanciunas, C Shot Chart 32 MIN | 5-10 FG | 7-10 FT | 10 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 4 TO | 17 PTS | +23 His pump-fake sent Mercury into retrogade. | |
 | Kyle Lowry, PG Shot Chart 30 MIN | 6-8 FG | 7-7 FT | 2 REB | 5 AST | 4 STL | 1 BLK | 0 TO | 23 PTS | +15 When he sleeps, he breathes fire. Can kill a man by staring into his eyes. | |
 | DeMar DeRozan, SG Shot Chart 33 MIN | 8-16 FG | 3-5 FT | 7 REB | 7 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 1 TO | 19 PTS | +13 At halftime had Ilyasova’s family kidnapped and held hostage. | |
 | Terrence Ross, SG Shot Chart 26 MIN | 2-8 FG | 2-2 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 3 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 8 PTS | +30 His shot can be used to sharpen swords. | |
 | Patrick Patterson, PF Shot Chart 25 MIN | 7-11 FG | 3-4 FT | 4 REB | 2 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 18 PTS | +21 Once played a game of FIFA with God, he was Sheffield Wednesday, God was Bayern Munich. Won 10-0. | |
 | Chuck Hayes, PF Shot Chart 15 MIN | 1-4 FG | 0-0 FT | 4 REB | 1 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 2 PTS | +2 Banged the tooth fairy. | |
 | John Salmons, SF Shot Chart 27 MIN | 3-5 FG | 2-2 FT | 4 REB | 5 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 10 PTS | +16 Went to Walmart on Black Friday. To get groceries | |
 | Landry Fields, SF Shot Chart 4 MIN | 0-2 FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 0 PTS | -7 Showed up at my house as a carper-cleaner and tried to convince me to join a cult which believes in taking left turns only. |  |
 | Steve Novak, SF Shot Chart 4 MIN | 1-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 3 PTS | -7 DNA tests have revealed he’s Jason Kapono’s biological father. | |
 | Austin Daye, SF Shot Chart 3 MIN | 1-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 2 PTS | -6 Still can’t connect moustache to goatee. | |
 | Greivis Vasquez, PG Shot Chart 21 MIN | 3-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 4 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 4 TO | 8 PTS | +5 Saw Event Horizon with his two-year old daughter. When she got scared, threatened starvation. | |
 | Dwane Casey Sleeps on a bed of nails which have been sprinkled with acid. Takes a shower with windshield washer fluid and brushes teeth with bleach. The man is a man’s man. | |
Five Things We Saw
- Organization’s tank. Teams don’t.
- The Raptors are winning games they’re supposed to win.
- Boston will be a win, the question is will Minny?
- The only thing the Raptors could’ve done better is handle Milwaukee’s zone a little better in the second quarter.
- The Raptors are awesome to watch.
