Ed’s Note: This is a post by Raptors Report. Follow their YouTube channel for more good stuff.
Hello Raptors fans,
Have you ever watched a Hollywood movie trailer and wished that instead of the A-list celebrity prancing around on the screen, it starred your favourite Toronto Raptors player instead? No? Just me? Hmmm… Well, it’s too late, I’ve already made the videos. Now that you’re this far into reading the article you might as well just go along with it, so join me as I share my strange passion for inserting Toronto Raptors into various genres of Hollywood action flicks.
GENRE #1: HORROR
Let’s start with the most germane film genre considering the date: horror. With Halloween mere days away, I’ve imagined Fred VanVleet as the titular villain in THE ROCKFORD REAPER. He’s a bloodthirsty killer, possessed by a demonic force and determined to slay anyone in his path. Be forewarned! This video is not for the faint of heart! Tell your children to leave the room! Do dogs get scared by horror movies? Maybe get your dog to leave too, just in case.
GENRE #2: KNIGHT MOVIE
Stalwart, brave, stoic, strong. All adjectives used to describe Knights, and all words that fit the Raptors’ very own OG Anunoby; a man for whom courage and duty are more than elegant, high-minded terms confined to the pages of history books, but a way of life. Whether his duty is to stand in the path of the most fearsome opponent, or to save the day with a heroic last second shot, gallant Sir Anunoby answers the call with cool confidence, easily living up to his billing as Toronto’s DEFENDER.
GENRE #3: SPY MOVIE
Certain situations call for precision. Accuracy. Efficiency. Certain situations require a steady hand, a man willing to pull the trigger: a cold-blooded assassin. Operating in the shadows off Toronto’s bench, Agent 003’s shots always hit their mark, he leaves no heart unbroken and he somehow manages to pull things off in style every time. It’s Thomas, Matt Thomas, and he stars in the spy blockbuster SHOOTERS NEVER DIE.
GENRE #4: WESTERN
Yeeeee HAW! Serge Ibaka has some serious cowboy traits. He’s hotheaded and brash, he’s tall and handsome and he likes to cook snakes and eat them. Serge has never been afraid to draw first and shoot, which makes him the perfect star for THE QUICK DRAW OUTLAW, a movie trailer that imagines Ibaka as a rootin’ tootin’ cowpoke. This video features horses, saddles, cactuses, saloon doors… uhhh… vultures? You know, the stuff you expect to see in a Western movie.
GENRE #5: SCI FI
Well, I had an 80s futuristic science fiction trailer starring Terence Davis as the last movie trailer, but I won’t be showcasing it here due to the domestic assault charge levied against him yesterday. If for whatever reason you need to see a VHS-quality fake movie trailer, it’s on my channel, but I don’t feel right promoting it here in light of what allegedly happened.
Those are the movie trailers I’ve made so far. I’ve created highlight videos for other Raptors, but not in a movie trailer format. I think my desire to create these fake movie trailers stemmed from my desire to create highlight mixes, but do so in a way where I could flex my creative muscles and waste as much time as humanly possible rotoscoping things. Hopefully you’ve been converted, and now have the same intense desire to see the faces of basketball players crudely inserted into various movies. Have a film genre you feel NEEDS the Raptors treatment? Let me know in the comments.