Theyr’e going to play a video of Vince Carter at the ACC in the first quarter to “honour” him for his service to the Raptors. So, basically they’re doing what all Raptors fan do every few weeks or so on YouTube: nostalgically drool over Carter reverse-dunking on Chris Mullin, feeding Theo Ratliff his crotch, and having Dikembe Mutumbo smell his armpits, to name only few of the NSFW acts that Carter performed in his early but oh-so-memorable career.
<insert some generic lines here about the fractious relationship between him and the fans over the years and how Rob Babcock’s the real villain>
The whole saga has been regurgitated so many times that it’s lost any relevance it might’ve had, and this is coming from a guy who burned a jersey in New Jersey. The club, when it was sadly and somewhat reluctantly honouring former players on its fifteenth anniversary during a 40-42 season, chose to quietly ignore and thus deride Carter. It was a cringe-worthy elephant in the room which we all avoided eye contact with. Now, five years later, under a new regime keen on retrospectives and desperate to seek out historical relevance, the franchise is looking to formally mend it’s relationship with Carter, perhaps even paving a way for a retirement party held at Real Sports, which would be hosted by @MatterOfKat dressed in a purple Carter jersey, Oy vey.
I’d like to offer some more suggestions.
It’s fine to honour Vince Carter for the moments of joy he’s provided us, but I’d suggest that equal measures be taken to ridicule Rob Babcock for his contribution to my high blood pressure. Perhaps we can organize an effigy burning at halftime, complete with a rioting mob. We could even have Wayne Embry make a guest appearance to light the ceremonial first match, and have Chuck Swirsky do a live play-by-play as a crude version of Babcock is set to fire. At the end of it, Vince can collect the ashes and do a LeBron powder thing as the crowd goes nuts.
I’d say take it a step further and induce Level 99 nostalgia by having Vince play the first two minutes of the second quarter in a Raptors jersey. That just might bring the ACC crowd to the fetal position whilst sucking on their thumbs. Just as they’re recovering from seeing their long-lost hero throw one down on a confused Tyler Hansbrough, execute the ultimate encore by having Mugsy Bogues parachute down from the rafters to throw a perfect alley-oop to Vince, who, wanting to test the fans’ psychological limits, chooses to not dunk but lay it in, sending the crowd into sheer delirium.
It wouldn’t be a proper ceremony without a classic Vince injury so it’s best that perennial crock, Landry Fields, present Vince with specially made crutches which he can hobble off with as well-orchestrated jeers rain down from the ACC upper deck, with Drake looking on disappointingly. These jeers, of course, would be brought to you by BMO.
With the actual game now a distant memory, a man sitting courtside who everyone had noted as odd but ignored, tears off his suit, throws away the monocle, and tosses his bowler hat into the second row and reveals himself to be Tracy McGrady. A picture of Carter and McGrady is projected on the big screen and on to the court – the two hug and the game is called a draw. What a night!
