The “come-dressed-as-a-seat promotion night” edition:

Alabi: Are the Toronto Tornados still around? We might have a player for them in need of playing time.

Barbosa: step slow tonight and his shooting touch was as graceful as a bulldozer scoop coming down on an egg. Guess he can always blame that (cough) injury (cough).

Bargnani: any closer to calling this his team yet? While those turnovers don’t exactly make the medicine go down any easier, his composure goes a long way to saying yes. Pretty soon Jay is going to buy him an Admirals hat, give him some stripes and they’ll use it as the next big ad campaign.

Bayless: Nothing like hitting a 3 at the buzzer in the first to get 11,000 people on your side.  Can’t tell if the kid is cocky or just plum excited to be in the cold weather, but he looks like he just opened the door to Bay/Bloor Radio and was told he had his pick of the store.  As Ren & Stimpy said during the broadcast, smart move by Jay to put Jerryd and Leandro out there together for the first bit to allow the kid to get his sea legs. 13pts on 4/7? Jarrett who?

Calderon: Mr. Big Stuff with 16 and 9 to go along with more smiles than your grandmother had at the last Tom Jones concert. From the “backstage” camera pre-game to the post-game he was smiling and that had to be infectious to his teammates. For 3/4 of the game the team played loose and well, just like their quarterback

Davis: I hear the chicks dig to be taken to “A Taste Of Curry World”. Table for 4, Ed?

DeRozan: It would be easier to rip DeMar if Evan hadn’t shat the bed himself, but still…if your cover is having a horrible game while playing for a horrible team and you are supposed to be poised for a breakout season, shouldn’t you be able to muster more than what DeMar put forth tonight? Weak sauce.

Dorsey: DNP-NKWYA

Evans: Lawdy, if there were peaches put on top of the backboard before the game, all that would be there now are pits and Reggie would be sitting in the locker room rubbing his belly and smelling like peach juice. 22 boards, 12 points. 15 rebounds in the first half is a new Raptors record and continues a long standing tradition of downright ugly people owning records as a Raptor player at some point in time. (See: Earl, Acie)

Johnson: why do I get the sense that as he is running down the court someone in his vicinity is yelling “Squirrel”? I’ve seen longer attention spans on a cat in a basket full of yarn.

Kleiza: for those of you who still believe the world is flat, I think I may ask your help in finding one Linas Kleiza. He seems to have fallen off the edge of the earth and is no longer capable of, say, PLAYING BASKETBALL.

Stojakovic: What a life. Come from a country that is divided up in a war, hang out in California for a while, make it rich, spend some time in one of the party capitals of the U.S. of A. then come north to a siberian landscape full of like-backgrounded people, play 3 minutes of a schoolyard sport, score 7 points while doing so, have the home crowd go wild because of it, then head out to the CIBC cash machine to make sure your daily paycheque of $100,000 has been deposited in US funds. Once confirmed, head to Tim Hortons and hang with fellow frugal hound Matt Devlin to discuss the benefits of a red blazer.

Weems: tonight it seemed like the horse belonging to the Young Onez was tripped up, broke a leg and was shot. Weems checked out almost from the opening tip and was last seen acting as a human version of a LaZBoy. No oomph, no pop.

Wright: the guy reminds me of the door operator on the TTC subway. Years ago he meant something: he had a whistle he could blow, people listened. Now, he’s relegated to pressing a button that makes a freakishly garish chime sound that people could give a toss about. Kinda like Julian’s career.

Driving The Bus: Reggie Evans

Under The Bus: DeMar DeRozan

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