Now that Movember is over, we can finally shave our mustaches off and start gearing up for Pubuary.
  1. As I was watching the Raptors-Nuggets game last night and listening to our own Jack, Devlin, Leo and the other dude talk about how the altitude was affecting our team, I not only was amazed at how this was being used as an excuse for the lethargic play in the first half, but I also got to thinking about a few things. We should get a petition going to the league to get the Nuggets moved to a much lower altitude city, such as Norfolk, Nebraska or perhaps Salina, Kansas. The lowest elevation in the US is Death Valley, California. I don’t see a problem in beginning construction on a new arena there as soon as possible. This, of course, would be done only for the Raptors, as other teams in the league have no problem playing there at a high energy level, seeing as they are, you know, athletes. Another idea I came up with is that we can get Gherardini out on a scouting trip to Nepal so we can draft a couple of Sherpas for the game in Denver next season. Lakhpa, Nawang and Dorjee are high on the draft list.
  2. Guinness is my favorite malty beverage. If I had to pick a Raptors player that reminds me of Guinness, it would be Kyle Lowry. Not in a racial way or anything though. I would pick him because he has many of the components that make a pint of the dark stuff so good. A thick, frothy head – KL has a strong head on his shoulders and his head is always in the game. Guinness is a full-bodied ale – KL is a player who is not afraid to sacrifice his body to take a charge or a hard hit. Lastly, Guinness is brewed in Ireland, the land of leprechauns. Lowry is from Philly, the land of people who look like chubby leprechauns. So cheers to Kyle Lowry and Guinness. Both awesome.
  3. While on the topic of comparing Raptors players to beers, here’s a few more, and feel free to add your own in the comments. Bargs is like Coors light, the ladies love it and it takes a lot of shots to get the job done. Landry Fields reminds me of Colangelo drinking a 40oz of Olde English malt liquor. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now he just has a bad hangover. Nathan Jawai reminds me of Fosters.

No league note this time, beer is getting warm.

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  • paran

    lmao at #3.

  • mountio

    Much better effort ..

  • p00ka

    “as other teams in the league have no problem playing there at a high energy level”

    Perhaps you should educate the rest of the league that the trouble they have must only be in their minds, because they do all struggle. There is no other team in the league that has such a wide disparity in records Home/Away.
    This year: Home 5-1, Away 4-8
    Last year was an anomaly of a year (no training camp, compressed schedule) in too many respects to judge anything but their Home/Away records were similar, but:
    2010-11  Home  33-8  Away 17-24
    2009-10  Home  34-7  Away 19-22
    2008-09  Home  33-8  Away 21-20
    2007-08  Home  33-8  Away 17-24

    Year after year they’re a super team at home, while being a mediocre lottery team on the road. What, do you think it’s the water in Denver that they hide from visiting teams?

    That altitude difference has a huge effect. When i moved from Montreal to Calgary (same elevation as Denver), I wasn’t a pro athlete, but a still in great shape 30 yr old, enough to play 3-4 competitive basketball and hockey games per week. Though i hadn’t found teams, and wasn’t playing yet here, it took me more than two weeks of acclimatization before I could get through a day at my desk without having a mid afternoon nap. That altitude difference and it’s affects are real, but it’s more fun to joke around about bullshit, right?

    • sleepz

       Not trying to nitpick because you raise a valid point but the road record from 2007-2011 are not that of a lottery team.

      They are playing close to .500 ball on the road which is what most teams strive for at the very least when it comes to road record.

      Only the great teams typically have winning road records.

    • arsenalist

      Please normalize these numbers by considering other teams who have the same/similar W-L records at the end of the season.  Then you can compare the ratio of home wins for the different teams to comment on whether Denver has a statistically significant advantage at home.  Or something like that.

      • p00ka

        So that didn’t do it for you, eh. Please see below and tell me how the scientific/medical evidence is bogus, or tell me why we should call out Hakeem, Kareem, LeBron, KG, and many more as bullshitters.


      Umm, except, you know, he never said anything about winning or anyone’s record; he commented on the level of energy while playing. Comprehension problem, selective reading? Which one is it gonna be today, Sheriff?

      *woop woop, that’s the sound of da police!*

      Free drizz! Down with da p00ka police!

      • Nilanka15

        Song stuck in my head now.  Thanks a lot….

        • FLUXLAND

           + 5 for recognizing.

      • p00ka

        Only a pea brain would have difficulty making a connection between energy level/performance and record, but this obsessed troll (police/sheriff, lol) hung up on things said 6 months ago has his own petty agenda, playing cop/sheriff himself no less.

        Okay, let’s set records aside for the petty a-hole clown’s sake. There have been many athletes in various sports, not just the Raptors, that have spoken of the difficult affects of the altitude in Denver. JV is the latest. Would you call out Jonas for being a bullshitter after the game? How about some HOFers:

        “Hakeem Olajuwon has had problems playing in Denver’s mile-high altitude, at times needing oxygen on the bench.”

        Kareem: “Anytime a professional team must play in Denver there must be an allowance made for the altitude which in Denver is over 5,000 feet. That has a major impact on the stamina of teams that train at sea level. It takes a week or so to acclimate to the additional altitude, which has a dramatic effect on an athlete’s heart and lungs. This is a serious home court advantage and it has led to some major misjudgments by anyone trying to assess the Nuggets chances.”

        Lebron:””This is a tough building to play in…..because this altitude is nothing to play with,”

        Garnett: “Running up and down didn’t help me in Denver with this [altitude] here.”

        Do you have the expertise to call these guys out as bullshitters/excuse makers?

        There are many more, in many sports, but perhaps you can provide your valuable first hand expertise on the issue.

        How about some medical/scientific evidence? Would that satisfy your small mind?

        There’s much more of the kind, but perhaps you can show us some medical/science publication, or put your own expertise on display, that disputes these.

        • FLUXLAND

          Funny thing, I didn’t argue the validity of your claim. Did I? Or are you going to “make a connection” for us again?

          “Only a pea brain would have difficulty making a connection between energy level/performance and record”

          You and you only, in this discussion, brought that up. No one else. Then you decided to blast him over a claim that he did not make.

          Again, you are talking about records and winning. He is talking about energy level put forth. (not that high or low guarantees wins)

          [for the record (he he), it seemed obvious and I presume he was implying the effort was subpar while even ignoring altitude…to boot Devlin and crew were using this as THE excuse behind the play, when there are far bigger problems going on than the air they are breathing in. Like when Devlin said “This is always a tough building to start in…” vs Boston. Really? What buildings are easier, Matt?)

          “how the altitude was affecting our team, I not only was amazed at how
          this was being used as an excuse for the lethargic play in the first
          half”  and “as other teams in the league have no problem playing there at a high energy level seeing as they are, you know, athletes”

          Him: level of energy and skill level of players. You: records and winning. Apples. Oranges. You:fail.

          What about this do you not understand, pea brain?  Or are you just going to keep reading what you want and what is not there? Maybe you should provide us with some clear data suggesting all other teams have slow starts in that building? Will that help your argument? I dunno..just don’t break out your taser over something someone never said, Sheriff.

          • FLUXLAND

            Oh and 6 months? What do you want to talk about? Your “Raptors win, convincingly” claim? Is that your basketball acumen on display? Is that recent enough for ya?

            You wanna talk about how you were tasering me when I said defense is kool aid and we are back to freestyling on O before the season started, while you were talking about how DC is a good man or some other irrelevant noise?

          • p00ka

            lol, what a pathetic little jerk. Are you actually able to swallow that baffle gab yourself? Good thing smell doesn’t across the web, or we’d be smelling the biggest pile of cow dung…. Oh wait, whether as FUXHAND or FAQ, you’re just here to get your jollies trying to fk with peoples’ minds. What a waste of an already broken mind.

    • j bean

      I wonder if they’ll go 33-8 this year at home.

  • Nilanka15

    Haha, I literally LOL’d at my desk.  Good stuff.

    “Lakhpa, Nawang and Dorjee are high on the draft list.”  Gold!

  • BlakeMurphy

    Guiness is a stout, not an ale. Just saying.

    • unknown guest

      +1 pint for Mr. Murphy.

  • Arsenalist

    I quite enjoyed this.


    Love the player/beer comparisons. Here are my suggestions:

    – Valanciunas is like Hooegarden because it’s pale and imported.
    – Derozan is like a coffee beer, because it should be awesome, but is usually disappointing.
    – Aaron Gray is like Guinness because it’s a bit thick.
    – Calderon is like Dos Equis, because Jose is the most interesting man in the world. He doesn’t always play defense, but when he does, he does it poorly.
    – Jamaal Magloire is like home-brew, because you’re proud of it, but nobody really wants to drink it.
    – Landry Fields is one of those expensive fruit beers that you bought on impulse and immediately regret.
    – Quincy Acy is like Budweiser, because you wish you could get a better “draught” pick, but it’s all the bar had on tap, so you’ll put up with it.
    – The team as a whole is like Tankhouse, because…well, it’s got the word “tank” in it.
    – And finally, we Raptor fans are like Corona, because life keeps handing us lemons.

    • arsenalist


    • Andre

       – Calderon is like Dos Equis, because Jose is the most interesting man
      in the world. He doesn’t always play defense, but when he does, he does
      it poorly.

      My Favorite! lol

  • 511

    Liked this one. 

    Guinness Draft in the tall cans, four-in-a-pack is a biiiiigggg favorite. Pour … let it sit for a minute or two … and … mmm. Goood. 

    • 511

      Was just thinking, the key, for me, to enjoying that Guinness Draft is … no more than once a week. So maybe I should call it ‘the Amir Johnson’ for that reason (?) but … naaa. Won’t do it. I like Amir. And he should be ramping it up about now. And then I’d just have to drink more Guinness.  

  • j bean

    So many great beers. So few great Raptors.
    Even Obama’s team blamed the altitude for his lackluster performance in the first debate held in Denver.

  • thetruth

    I came back here just to say so glad raptors republic dropped this garbage column. F you and your beer drizz.