…Barack Obama will have cured poverty, racism, and hiccups. You’ll be able to drive to work in your cell phone. People will still be waiting for “Darko’s breakout year.” And Raptors fans will be holding their breath in hopes that Chris Bosh, their future Hall of Famer, decides to “keep it Canuck” and sign a long-term contract with Toronto. 

Now you might think, being a slightly overweight guy who lives in his parent’s basement and spends his free time posting angry diatribes on basketball message boards, that there’s nothing you can do to influence Chris’ decision. And you’re right, so you might as well go back to scouring the net for online porn passwords – I know I will. But as powerless as we are in this process,  the big orange ball sits squarely in the hands of Colangelo and MLSE. Not sure if that instills you with confidence or not, but they’ve got the power.

The way the franchise is handled in the next two years will determine if Chris buys a TO4LIFE vanity plate or if he follows suit and bounces for brighter, more American pastures. With that in mind, it’s time to think outside the box. 

10 Things We Can Do To Keep Bosh in 2010:

  1. Let him shoot, edit, and choose the soundtrack for our opening video montage.
  2. Hire a coach that can’t fit his entire playbook on the back of a For Your Eyes Only business card.
  3. Hook him up with a Canadian hottie like Elisha Cuthbert, Emmanuelle Chiquiri, or Kristin Kreuk.
  4. Officially change the name of the CN Tower to the CB Tower.
  5. Pay for Bargnani to have surgery that allows him to breath through his nose.
  6. Give him a half-hour of airtime on The Score once a month to do with as he pleases. 
  7. Bring Darrick Martin back in an asst. coach role and this guy to increase team morale.
  8. Draft players – not projects – that can provide value and impact right away.
  9. Win a freakin’ playoff round.
  10. Give in, pay the luxury tax, and provide him with a second scoring option.

Got more suggestions? Leave ‘em in the comments box. Best suggestion wins a free air guitar, signed by the Arsenalist. Kick ass!

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