The “everybody beats the Wiz” edition.
Adams – what a fantastic signing by Colangelo. So good he gets traded for a conditional SECOND round pick….then immediately gets waived. BC signed this towel waver to some fanfare. Instead, like the HO signing, it’s another brick in the road of shit that BC has paved for this team.
Bargnani – Big Bucket Bargs continues to play above himself. No idea what got into his pre-game meals, but to say he is playing like a man possessed is to state the obvious. Some, including me, said he would struggle as a centre, but the only thing he is struggling with is his warm-up gear.
Bosh – attracting a lot of attention and allowing Bargs to continue to light it up. Good fourth quarter to rescue a mediocre night.
Calderon – DNP-ASC (did not play-at strip club)
Graham – Joey got the start. You think he knows it yet? Up until now, I thought Kris was the worst at taking advantage of his minutes, but Joey looked poor tonight. Don’t let the rebound number fool you.
Humphries – see above. I don’t think he’d be able to take advantage of a porn star chick tied to a bed that was yelling “Kris Humphries, I hereby give you permission to make me your sex slave starting now”. If he acted like he does on the court, he’d probably trip on a rug and get called for a foul.
Jawai – Etan Thomas, meet Nathan Jawai. Nathan, meet Etan. You have to think that pregame chat would just tug at the heartstrings…or make ones heart swell with optimism.
Kapono – did you see him go off to the side of the tunnel at the end of the game to say hi to someone? I’m kinda hoping it is his shrink, because I think the split personality has come back. Yeah, he had a nice line, but he is back to being a shell of a player. He did a horrible job of running through screens tonight, making some Wizard players look like Dallas Cowboys.
Moon – so do you think his sperm swam erratically? Congratulations, but I sincerely hope the facial features of your offspring take after their mother. That said, I haven’t seen her. Still, with that in mind, I stand by my statement.
O’Neal – this song was heard blaring from the GM’s office today.
Parker – do you think he plucks his eyebrows? Seriously. Anywhoooo, solid game from an NBA player playing in the shadows of a girl. I’ll take the 14 and 6, but the turnovers need to be looked at and corrected. Otherwise, we should start calling him Martha Stewart.
Solomon – smart game today. Zero turnovers, which normally only happens when, say, hell gets chilly. Free Willy further shows up Jay by proving he is the numero uno backup PG on this team.
Ukic – free Roko? Even if he WAS free, I’d probably still ask for a refund. Dud game from a player that needs to be shipped to the DL to get used to travel and the American style of play. He needs court time and unless he can get some when we are out of the playoff picture, bringing him over has proven to be a waste of a roster spot.
Voskuhl – somebody seriously asked him for his headband after the game. Jake Voskuhl. What’s next? I’m going to be walking down the streets of Ottawa and somebody is going to ask me for my shoelaces since I walk so well? It should also be said that FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KRIS, JAKE VOSKUHL HAS TAKEN YOUR MINUTES. JAKE VOSKUHL.
Driving The Bus: Andrea Bargnani
Under The Bus: Kris Humphries
Game Theme: If Jake Voskuhl Could Rap (note: NSFW language)Follow @raptorsrepublic