The “eye in the sky is brought to you by sucky basketball” edition:

Barbosa: a good source told me today that his “ankle injury” the other night was Swahili for “a trade was in the works but has been tabled”. Certainly didn’t see any signs of an injury tonight so…… His shot was certainly off and he didn’t attack the rim as much as he has been. Playing safe? Hmmmm…..

Bayless: getting his second start in a row and I must say he has settled in quite well. Matchups help, but it’s good to see at least one Raptor accept change in a positive way.

Butler: how is this for fate? Everybody’s top candidate for the dunk tank actually has a stretch of good minutes (or was that my Advil kicking in) and then he turns his ankle. That’s like doling out a few grand for an engagement ring for the lady to give her on Valentine’s Day only to find out she’s actually married to Arsenalist.  (somewhat of a true story, he just doesn’t know it)

Calderon: how he has 9 assists is beyond me. Either I’ve already wiped him from my Raptors memories or he amassed 6 of those during halftime in the kids game.

Carter: proof that the suit he had been wearing recently wasn’t a preview of his death, Anthony was out there in the dying minutes of a dead game. Not much to say or see here. Move along.

Davis: HOLY CRAP A DOUBLE DOUBLE!!!!!   TIMMY’S!!!!!  Second game in a row that The Disappointment has played hard and played well. Maybe he and Amir have some sort of pact to take stretches off while the other one steps his game up. A pacing thing, maybe?  I was a fan of his game tonight and will be accepting of any other days of the year he decides to bequeath it to us.

DeRozan: hey, who knew Compton had its own holidays? Evidently the last day of January is one because DeMar played like he was weighed down by some BBQ and a few 40’s. The Hawks are a team that should poke DD’s pride. They are young, they play hard, they have swagger. You’d think TMZ would pick up on that and dust off his A game.

Forbes: you hallucinating Forbes fans finally have a game to point to. Sure, he got some of his minutes courtesy of Kleiza falling asleep with an icepack on, but that combined with some garbage time run sent him to the line 6 times where he hit all of them

Gray: thanks to Amir shrinking like, well, a penis in a cold pool, our boy Aaron was let loose like a hungry beast to start the second half.  The results?  Teague almost lost his teeth on a screen and Aaron pulled down 5 rebounds in 8 minutes. Remember when Amir used to do that?

A. Johnson: his game tonight reminded me of how my first girl described our sex life: 7 minutes of nothing. I still think part of his issue is that wrap on his wrist that looks like it was put on by an 80 year old nursing assistant that suffers from the shakes.

J. Johnson: my theory on his game tonight?  He watched T-Mac mock our anthem and he took the passion of a nation on his shoulders and played hard. That or he just wanted to emulate the other Johnson on the floor. Not quite, but 9 and 8 in a game where he played fairly under control is a welcome satisfying Tuesday night.

Kleiza: I guess even the best pirate has to sharpen his sword. (s/o to SC). On a night where Leo was giving him every possible way off the hook, Linas grabbed that lifeline and took a step back from his recent play. Not going to read a lot into this, or his aforementioned icepack, but you do have to worry about his ability to keep pace with the schedule.

Driving the bus: James Johnson

Under the bus: Amir Johnson

Theme of the Game:

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  • Akash_singh

    this is fkn hilarious, AltRaps I laughed the whole way through! nothing like some good comedy after a blowout.

    • K.J.P

      And a Hot video to end it, lol.

    • Sam Holako

      The man gives us what we want/need; have to appreciate

  • Colef

    what happened with TMac and the anthem?

  • DC

    This team sucks big time without bargnani. No way they even can stand a chance if Barbosa is off. Especially with derozan playing terribly. Calderon must have the most boring 9 assists I have ever watched because everything about his game is boring as hell. Bayless is playing way better as a 2 guard then as a pg (tell us something we didn’t already know). JJ tries if his shot could even get close to being consistent I think he could put up almost 16 ppg and 8rpg 2steals 2 blocks a couple of assits a game. (Derozan damn it’s like what  more can I say? His jumper isn’t falling and when he tries to attack the basket the ball bounces off his knee or he gets stripped or some other dumbshit. Casey shouldn’t of went with this small lineup today he should of started bayless,derozen, jj, amir, gray. Joe Johnson was raping derozen and whoever else tried to get in his face. JJ shouldve been guarding him from the beginning. And calderon trying to guard teague is like watching a slow torture happen. Literally teague always spanks calderon like a 2 year old girl. 

  • FAQ

    Okay, let’s analyze the Raptor scoring production:

    • 27-73  or 37% scoring

    • 4-20 or 20% 3-pt shots

    • 18 +  19 + 23 + 17 = 77 pts.

    •  Top scorer: Bayless – 14 pts., Davis – 11 pts.

    Hmmmm…… btw, didn’t watch the game… did I miss anything?!

  • Bendit

    Good on yu…AltRaps, Arse and the Missus in a menage a trois…better than counting sheep while I try and induce slumber. Keep it up. 

  • Lorenzo

    Losing = Winning

  • Tardrapfans

    its 2 bad casey is trying to run a winning basketball program predicated on running half court sets instead of letting them play drew league/summerleague style ball so they can inflate their stats….it’s exposing some of our so called “stars”.

    dekobe yo!young gunz fa lyfe yo!

  • Malefax

    Hey, Kleiza didn’t have any turnovers today. For him, that’s like a triple-double. 

    And Rasual scored a point per shot. That’s the Rasual equivalent of being perfect from the field.

  • Ericlifson

    This is fucking hilarious! Not even kidding this is some talented writing, sir.

  • Sam Holako

    So much for DeRozan and his god-like game on Sunday, huh?

    • Tardrapfans


  • cb

    dude hawks are 2nd oldest team in the league.


  • RapsFan

    Enough excuses for Amir Already !!!
    If he is hurt , then he should not be on the floor.
    If he is tired, he should not be on the floor. 

    He filled his stats tonight but when the game did not matter anymore !!!


      go check his twitter hes busy having a gay ol time laughin it up playing video games.

      grown ass men gayming….smh.

    • He lives and produces points alongside AB. Without him he suffers alot. He is effective on the paint when the players keep an eye on AB. Of course I don’t know if he is hurt or tired. But this situation is more o less the same with the other teammates. Untill we remain with this roster is extremely difficult to win without AB. I am really sure that we had lose the game with him. The Hawks are more and more better than us. We can beat them only if everyone played at their best and the Hawks played under their par.

  • RapsFan

    Sign Willson Chanldler, move Ed+Amir+DD for Rudy Gay. Then next year with Arrival of Big Val and our draft pick, you have something that can compete in East and accelerated your rebuild by 3 years.

    Calderon + AB + Gay + Val + Chandler for Starting unit.
    Bench: J.J. , Keliza, Draft Pick, maybe Bayless and Barbosa

    • Lorenzo

      Rudy Gay AND Wilson Chandler? F*CK YEAH!

      • What the

        for PRIMO?

  • Frank

    If he hasn’t already reached it, DeMar is moving closer and closer to official scrub status.

  • RapthoseLeafs

    44 days till the trade deadline, and the easy money seems to be on Barbosa packing his suitcase.

    But depending on what transpires over the next 6+ weeks, a number of Raptors could become “somewhat” available.

    A few teams may try to get the jump, and snag an early trade. Especially if they’re hovering dangerously around as a borderline-play-off team … Knickers …. Boston.

    Portland and Lakers could be potential partners. LA could use a PG.  So could Portland.

    • RapsFan

      Barbosa is not going anywhere. BC is a big fan of Barbosa and he thinks Barbosa is a great influence in the locker room. I will go even further and say BC will try to sign Barbosa to an extension this summer.

      • Blind Man

        That’s a pretty bold prediction since BC said exactly that several days ago.

      • What the

        speedy is the one that needs to go raps will be fine with out him

  • FAQ

    DeMar DeStructs…. again.

  • guest

    You went easy on Bayless. He was a ball hog and he sucked at it as well.

    • 511

      I agree. Watching Bayless Sunday night in New Jersey, I remembered what I liked about him. Last night, I remembered why I usually don’t. Seems to not know he has teammates, and if he has any court vision at all, well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause he seems to not know he has teammates. Probably not a good thing for the guy who backs up the 1 spot. 

  • When will AB come back to the floor? After the ASG? Anyone knows something about him?

    • cesco

      He walked without crutches for the first time two days ago from what I could understand in a short interview in Italian ( his pronunciation of Dante language is just plain awful and I am poor of hearing) . He didn’t want to guess when he would return .

  • Brian B

    Missed the game- did Joe Johnson’s big night mean what I feared- i.e. that the small back court failed on the defensive end?

  • What the

    all i have to say is the raptors need a point guard speedy has got to go (TWjr or MK)

  • Nilanka15

    Did anyone else feel disappointed when they announced Butler would return from injury?

  • Nilanka15

    WTF is up with JJ leading the team in FG attempts???

  • Nilanka15

    Yes, I’m going to say it…Gary Forbes is currently a better shooting guard than DeMar DeRozan.  Neither one of them can shoot, but Forbes can dribble, create his own shot, get into the lane with ease, and actually defends.  DeRozan?  Nadda.

    Shaq has better dribbling skills than DeRozan.

    • 511

      There’s something flimsy about DeMar’s game, overall, and I was thinking that even on Sunday when he put up good numbers against New Jersey. I’m not even crazy about the way he runs the floor. My expectations for him now are way lower than they were not even too long ago. I hope he changes my mind again … but I’m not seeing it right now. 

    • JoshuanReynolds

      im proud of you nilanka….youre all growns up now….my little boy has become a man.

  • Rapture

    Seven Minutes is pretty generous for your sex duration.