With a week until the season starts, there’s not much to say that hasn’t been said. We’ve heard ad nauseam about our lack of defence, Sam Mitchell’s Lasik (which, if you ask me, makes him look like the type that sleazes up to drunk chicks at a jazz bar), and, highest on many skeptic’s lists, Jamario’s struggles.
For an NBA player, the summer between their rookie and sophmore seasons is as pivotal as the first time a pornstar makes the leap into mainstream movies. If they don’t live up to expectations, they’re done.
Either way, a rookie’s exit meeting is stressful. If they’re coming off an impressive campaign, they can’t disappoint. If they had a difficult season, then they must improve and show they weren’t a wasted pick. And of top of all this, they need to avoid the dreaded “Sophmore Slump”.
So what did Ol’ Moonman do this summer?
April 30th:
Dear Dairy,
I feel weird writin’ that, like some little schoolgirl jotting down the boys I like. Anyway, we got back from Orlando two days ago, and that plane ride was quiet enough to hear a possum sneeze, I don’t mind tellin’ you. But next season’s right around the corner, and JM’s gonna be ready. I just left my exit meeting with Sam and Bryan, and they told me a secret. Wanna know what they said? They said…that they’re not planning on getting a free-agent small forward in the offseason! That the starting job is mine! I gotta work on my game over the summer, make some improvements, hit the gym a bit, but me – NBA starter, legit! Wow! Hey Mobile Revelers, Huntsville Flight, and Rockford Lightning…tell me how Jamario’s ass taste!
May 12th:
Dear Diarie,
Just got back fro the gym, starting my brand new muscle-buildin program Keith D’Amelio drew up for me. I hate liftin’, but I gotta do work on my strength so when I take it to the rack I don’t end up gettin’ broken like Gerald. But this workout stuff is hard. I don’t know how Hump does it. I’d much rather work on my jumper.
May 22nd:
Dear Dyarey,
Sam rang me last night. Wanted to see what was up. I could tell he was tryin’ to find out if I’d been working on my game. It said ‘sure have coach’, which isn’t a total lie – I’ve been runnin’ Orlando in 2K8, looking for their weaknesses. Clever huh?
June 8th:
Dear Dyery,
Guess who’s back in Goodwater?!? Ooh boy, what a trip. After flyin’ with the charter all year, Tamara and I had to buy up a whole row. It was pricey, but anything for my baby mama to be comfortable! So much has changed since I been back to see Grams and the family. Now Goodwater’s got a Wendy’s, a second ATM (though most cats still don’t got no debit cards…or bank accounts), and check this – I saw some kid wearin’ a Raptors #33, shooting hoops on his grass patch! It was dang cool, fo sho’. Ain’t nobody wearin’ my jersey when I was in the D or the CBA. But now I’m in the L son, and Goodwater folks be recognizin’!
Talked to Joel before I left (my agent, Joel Bell), and I told him I wouldn’t be getting much of a burn these next few weeks. There’s not much of a court to run drills around here, but I figure I could use some time off anyway. Your man came 4th in ROY voting, after all!
June 13th:
Dear Diyeree,
Birfday! Your man’s 28 today son! Tamara had to fly back to Toronto for a doctors appointment, but my cousin threw it down for me at some hip-hop joint in Birmingham. Real classy, don’t let homeys in with Nike’s or anything. And man, them city cuties are fly! One little white girl unbuttoned her shirt and showed me her nipples right on the dance floor! I damn near fainted with embarrassment. My head’s ringin’ today though, and no wonder with Hennessey flowin’ like the Tennessee River.
For my birthday, my little cousins made a statue of me out of swamp reeds, croc skin, and mud. I almost cried right then and there. I miss my family!
June 22nd:
Dear Dieri,
Drove into Birmingham to the Wal-Mart with my Gram, uncle, and cousins. I promised them one day if I ever made the NBA, I’d take ’em to buy whatever they want. Unc got new fishin’ rods, DeVel and DaJuan got a new Xbox (I got two of ’em back in Toronto!), and Gram picked up all new cookin’ wares. She was so excited, you should have seen her face. Gram’s been riding me since I got here, says I’m too skinny. I told her, I’m lean! But you know Gram, she promised cobbler tonight, and I think if I play my cards right I could get some cornbread too. Man, I’ve been fixin’ for her cobbler and cornbread since I got here!
July 4th:
Dear Di-a-ree,
Happy Independence Day – and what a day it was! Woke up and did some fishin’ down along the creek with my uncle. It was just like we used to, except even with the new fishin’ rods, iddn’t catch nothin’. Guess I’m rusty. And tonight, I had the honor of bowling a few games with Lonnie (that’s Mayor Caldwell, we’re on a first name basis now!). Everyone in town was there givin’ me and T the jealous eye as we posed for pictures and signed bibles. Funny how things change so quick. Anyway, Lonnie said that they’re planning to name the new extension on Goodwater Methodist after me! I ain’t Methodist but like Gram always said, it’s the thought that counts. All I got to do is pay for a few basketball courts to be built. I told him Joel says I’m gonna re-sign for big numbers, and when I do, I’m gonna give back to Goodwater.
July 10th:
Dear Diaree,
Back in Toronto. Have some community stuff to do, and should prolly get in the gym to show Coach I’m committed to improvement and all that. I gotta work on all facets of my game: my three point shot, my 18 foot jumper, and my elbow bank shot. No more goofin’, no more Fun Jamario. It’s on.
July 31st:
Dear Dyri,
I’m out here in Erin Mills with AP for the Driveway Challenge. I don’t mind giving back to the fans and all that, but Thursdays be when Tamara and I buy something new at Restoration Hardware. I gotta miss out today, oh well : ( Some nice folks here though, happy to see us. I threw down a few slammajammas that got them straight riled, though one little sassmouth asked me how come I didn’t do that last season! I told him I sure did, but he must have missed that game.
Aug: 7:
Dear Jurnal,
Hi from sunny Florida! T and I are celebrating our anniversary here in Destin, or as I been calling it, our Destiny. I been workin’ hard lately, so two weeks of sun, sand, and palm trees sounds beautiful. A guy could get used to this, for real. If you don’t hear from me for a couple of days, it’s because I’m going to be out practicing my game…and by “practicing my game”, I mean drinking mojitos and eating crab legs all day! This is the life for me, NBA superstar maxin’ by the beach. Even Coach can’t get me down now!
Aug 22nd:
Dear Jernil,
We’re back in TO again. Time to get serious about the season, for real this time. No more fudgin’ around. So far my shot’s been rusty, but I’ll be ready. Jamario’s gonna turn heads in ’09, believe that! Spoke to Joel again today, and he said I gotta shave my moustache before the season starts. Said we’re making a push for more visibility this season and it’s easier to market a thug than a bumpkin. Do I gotta lose my look to make it big time? Oh jernil, these are my troubles.
Aug: 30th:
Dear Journyl,
Between packing to move and gettin’ in training, it feels like the vacation’s over already even though there’s on more month till preseason. T’s tummy is getting bigger and she can’t move as good, so I’m doing most of the packing. I went 9-9 from three today in the gym. It’s amazing how much easier it is to shoot when no one’s guarding you!
Sept 6th:
Dear Jirnull,
Bad news – can’t find my passport! Must have gotten mixed up while we was packing! Now I’m waitin’ on a new one, which means I’m going to be late for training camp. Sam’s right peeved about it, and CB ain’t returning my calls. He’s all high and mighty about his gold, that’s what T says. Wait till he sees how silk my shot looks, he’ll forget all about this. We’ll be laughin’ again in no time.
Sept: 26:
Dear Gurnell,
I’m back! What a summer! Yeah, that’s right, I’m a bit late to camp. Bryan sat me down and had what he calls a “man talk”. I explained to him that it was passport problems holding a brother back. I’m sure it’s water under the bridge now. I met with Joel for breakfast first and he was mad I didn’t shave. I can’t please everyone though, I’m my own man. I’m ready to show the new and improved Moonman to the world, cause you know what? I’M A STARTER!!
JM#33
