Roll Call – Season Wrap up

11 mins read

The “I told you so” edition

Adams – possessed the characteristics you look for as a general manager of an NBA franchise: a fire hydrant with a headband. Hassan brought as much value to our team as would rap lessons from 50 Cent given to Jake Voskuhl.

Banks – at least Hassan isn’t costing us as much as, say, cable in Dubai. Equivalent to the poison pill we had to take to get someone to take HO off our hands, Marcus played in 6 games with the result of which being reflective of Arsenalist’s chances with the local women in Jamaica.

Bargnani – his second half was a huge surprise (and relief) to Raptors fans. He started to show signs of one day being worthy of being chosen #1. Not there yet, but he is showing why he should have been top 10, as opposed to earlier in his career. Great to know that heading into next season we will be anticipating his appearance on the court with real anticipation as opposed to waning hope.

Bosh – had an up and down season in all aspects of his life, but most importantly for us, he ended the season a 20/10 guy. He has to be wondering what he has to do to win the respect of this fanbase and I agree with him. Young kid, 20/10, great in the community. Yeah, trade his ass for 50cents on the dollar. His handlers are questionable and he really needs to look at the people around him as they continue to alienate his fans and the fans of this team. Just a recommendation Chris. All in all, the leader of this team from start to finish.

Calderon – worrisome question: was he indeed playing hurt most of the year or was that final stretch showing him play at a higher than average level for him? Either way, his free throw consistency was off the charts and deserves merit alone. Still, many expected him to be at least mentioned as a possible back up in the all star game, but he ended up disappointing more than chocolate tofu.

Douby – what do you offer a guy that plays 10 minutes in 7 meaningless games and gives you 4pts, 1 assist and 1 board?  A contract!!! That’s right, Quincy, thank you for playing the Colangelo Is Always Right!!!

Graham – if I’m his agent, I’m calling Jerry and asking what his son likes and shipping him 2 of everything. If Joey stays in Toronto, he has a shot at some court time. He leaves, and he is like his brother playing spotty minutes against primarily bad teams or being shipped from city to city the rest of his career. Coming into the season, he knew he had to impress. He did so in the middle months, but the rest of the way he was as average as a cheerleaders math scores.

Humphries – played in only 29 games this year, but has the work ethic the blue collar fans of the Raptors desire. Next season will be as important to him as this past one was to Joey. You want to continue living the life of a nightclub hustler, Kris, you need to bring the pain next year.       

Jawai – a man with a bad heart who doesn’t perform as well when he is working outside of his native land. Now I know why Bryan drafted him: he saw himself in Nathan!

Kapono – and the carousel of disappointment continues to spin. After whetting our appetite during the playoffs last year, JKillah comes out and, for the most part, lays a jurassic egg. Run plays for him, don’t run plays for him, hit him in transition, hand him a golf club…nothing seemed to keep him in a rhythm from game to game. That is not a good character trait in a high priced assassin.

Marion – the only thing he probably couldn’t bring across the border was his white horse. Replacing the boil that was HO, Shawn quickly showed us what we were missing: a capable slasher that can take the heat away from at least one of our main guys, and still be considered a main guy himself. A rental? Maybe. In his short time here, though, he has shown Bryan what this team needs to move forward.

Mensah-Bonsu – a shame that his injury hampered his game in the last few contests since it would have been nice to see if he could pick himself back up after a few down games. We will never know now and will rely on his summer league play to see if he can provide us with something. I’m guessing his return hinges on what happens with Marion. Personally, I think we already have enough projects under contract.

Moon – his goofy grin and one-dimensional defense has found a new home in Miami. The +/- stat is a useless one, but one that is more applicable to Jamario is games won because of and games lost because of. He may have been fighting for the league lead in that one. If you felt your right arm go numb and your heart felt like it was going to explode while watching the Raptors games early in the season, you were suffering a Jamario. No recent cases have been reported.

O’Bryant – what he lacks in ability, he has in physical attributes and desire. He’d be a great 10th-11th man to try and motivate to get better and fight for a higher seed on the bench and a guy with slightly more upside than Pops. Also, what better individual to fit into Toronto’s fabric than an African-American Irishman who probably likes women’s hockey and beer?

O’Neal – like trying to fit a lions head on the body of Jessica Alba, an experiment that went horribly wrong. The new Twin Towers turned out to be the Giant and the Toad with one guy playing with effort and heart and the other playing like he wanted to be back in Vegas drinking tequila and hitting on the chorus girls. HO brought next to nothing on most nights and had the type of attitude this team did not need in the slightest.

Parker – his season with us was like going to 80 different wing joints……you consistently knew what you were getting, but sometimes you were blown away and other times you felt disappointed. He stepped up and played well as a back up point guard, his tenacious D was something we desperately needed on most nights, and there is no doubt he is a solid locker room guy. If I’m BC, my decision on Parker is just as difficult as my decision on Marion.

Solomon – when you leave the aforementioned wing joints and you find yourself squeezing one out on the can at home, that last little squirt that comes out and sort of dangles there for a split second or four can now be referred to as a Solomon.

Ukic – you know when you were in grade nine and you went to your first high school dance with all your cool buddies thinking you’d impress the chicks and end up taking a Grade 12er back to your parents house and losing your virginity in the garage as your puppy Spalding looked on? Then, in reality, you showed up and the first thing you saw was your older sister doing the humpty hump with the stoner guy and that was the last thing you remember as the football team took you and your pals out to the football field and tied you to the goalposts, took your clothes and then turned the lights on? That shriveling feeling is probably what Roko felt as he took the court in most games this season because he out and out sucked. He should be stamped “not as advertised” and sent back to Serbia to continue working on his passing game with 4 pigs and a zebra.

Voskuhl – every 7 seconds a child dies and Jake commits a foul. Nobody expected anything from Jake and he lived up to that expectation. Plus, Bryan can check another name off his “reunion of past loves” list. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Jake back in the league next year. In a just world, he will surface in San Antonio and he will get a ring, while leaving a Raptors organization with nothing but a headband and a cheering towel. JYD would be proud.

Driving The Bus:   Chris Bosh

Under The Bus:    Jason Kapono

@altraps @raptorsrepublic


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