Raptors Roll Call Jan 7 vs Sixers

97-62, Sixers pull down our shorts and hand them to us. Record is 3-5.

The “what. the hell. was that?”edition:

Barbosa: more Eric Cartman than Barbosa Blur. His night (hell, his week) is the Coles Notes version of this team tonight. Sloppy, slow, unattractive, depressing.

Bargnani: pretty soon we are going to need him to start heaving 62 shots a night if we want to a) win and/or b) break 80 points. At this rate Pizza Pizza will have the best bang for their advertising dollar in the history of Canadian promotions. If this squad breaks 100 more than twice we should all get a whole pizza, never mind a slice.

Butler: you know how when you flush the toilet you hear a swirling sound then the sucking sound?  Next time you relieve yourself and flush, hum along with the sounds….Swirl = Rasual Suck = Butler.  Do it in your head as it happens and it’s amazing how it matches so well.  Rassssssual (now from the gut) Buttttlerrrrrrr.

Calderon: I’m hoping he is doing the playoff thing just with his hair and not a beard: he won’t cut his hair until the Raptors win 5 in a row. He’ll be the straight haired version of Varejao.  Had a good night, keeping Jrue in check and he is learning to count much higher in English now just by counting the number of turnovers his teammates keep committing.

Carter: that pushback (can’t call it a putback out of courtesy) was a homage to all us weekend warriors that hit the gym and pretend we are Dwayne Wade Jr. The only thing missing was him coming down and roaring like Arsenalist when he “jumps” for a rebound and pushes it back on to the backboard and in.  AC is doing what he was brought here to do: help teach the young guys and also be an important back up piece when needed. He continues to put up okay numbers in limited minutes. Tonight’s feature was 5 rebounds in 15min.

Davis: I don’t get it. It’s Philly, a bunch of young guys that play like him, he sees that the first unit is struggling and must think that he has a chance to be a spark. Instead, he regressed again and looked like that wreath you see at Shoppers Drug Mart on Jan 1 that nobody just wants to buy. Pretty soon we are gonna have to start calling this guy Eeyore.

DeRozan: kind of reminded me of playing as him on my XBOX and the batteries have started to go so that when you move the stick, it takes a few extra seconds to react. You look at the flashing ring on the controller and just feel your body go limp.

G. Forbes: 8 minutes of play with absolutely nothing to show for it, except a –5. Kind of like me working on a Sudoku puzzle on the GO train in the morning. Lost.

A. Johnson: he played like I hoped Davis would have. He posted a double double (12/14) and absolutely destroyed an Elton Brand jersey in the process. Right now this guy can do no wrong and we have to hope some of his new found abilities rub off on the rest of his young counterparts. I know if I were him, I’d be asking Ed out to Tim Horton’s and then jump the bastard, holding his head slightly off the coffee burner and demanding results or his cheeks get it.

J.Johnson: he reminds me of an advent calendar. You open up little doors looking for magic and usually you get a milk dud. I like his energy, I like his intentions. I don’t like what he produces. They can talk up his defense all they want, but he isn’t anything special on either side of the ball, especially in the second half.

Magloire: 5 minutes? Really? Did he have a pact with the coach that he wanted to save his energy for 4 cheesesteaks from Geno’s? Or, and this would make me happy so I know it can’t be true, has Casey already given up on this Team Canada hating, bearclaw loving waste of space?

Driving the bus: Amir Johnson

Under the bus: Rasual Butler

Theme of the Game: