I’m starting to think I was wrong about this whole TSN2 debacle. The stalemate isn’t denying us the chance to watch our team…

It’s denying us the chance to watch our team be bludgeoned by the Lakers and the Hornets. It’s saving us from grey hairs, pickled livers, and smashed drywall. TSN2 and Rogers aren’t greedy, stubborn ego-villians.

They’re public servants. They should be knighted. Or at the very least, granted a recurring guest spot on The Hills After Show.

I’d like to dedicate this crappy disco song to the power-struggling powers-that-be:

  ”I AM ALIVE”

as sung to Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive”.

 

At first I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

With missing Bosh’s stride

But I spent so many nights

Watching the Raps play so wrong

I broke my bong

But learned how to carry on

So now it’s clear

How bad they stink

And maybe this whole TSN2 thing

Isn’t as bad as people think?

What good is getting all worked up

When Kapono won’t shoot 3

I’ve got better things to stress about

‘Cause it still burns when I pee

 

Go on now live, forget the score

Just turn on “House” now

Why watch losing anymore?

All this corporate fighting making hardcore ball fans sigh

They thought we’d crumble

Miss two games and cry

Oh no, not I

I feel ALIVE!

As long as I know they are gonna lose

Why beg to watch them dive?

So long as Rogers refuses to waiver

They’re doing all of us a favour

Until the Raps revive

I’ll make them win in NBALive!

HEY HEY!

 

Anyone wants to write the second verse, the lyrics can be found here.

And if you have questions for Jack that don’t include “Who would win in a cage match: Swirsky or Devlin?”, send them here.

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