The NBA season isn’t all great. Sure, you got your VC-returns-to-the-ACC-for-the-86th-time and Lebron-disses-Bosh’s-entire-family nights, but the season is also chock-full of games that you just don’t care enough about. Games where you know the result beforehand, games where the arena atmosphere resembles that of a morgue and games where you just have terrible players. Here are 7 of those games; these you should just flat-out not watch unless you’re unfortunate enough to have the responsibility of writing about them later.
Tue Nov 17th at Denver 9:00 PM EST: What? You’re asking me to skip Denver?? Yes, I got a sick feeling about this one and it’s got nothing to do with the altitude. After the 39 point humiliation last year, this fixture only brings back memories that I’d rather forget. We might be more athletic this year but I still see Nene, J.R Smith, ‘Melo and Billups using us as a treadmill for 24 minutes and then laughing at our carcass from the bench for the remaining 24. On paper this is a real test for us, but given that its a weekday, a late start time and the high probability of defeat, I say skip it.
Tue Dec 8th, vs Minnesota: Unless you have a fetish for Rodney Carney or like to see Al Jefferson struggle more than an Irishman trying to pass a sobriety test, there’s no reason to see this one. It makes sense that this is a Tuesday night game, even the Raptors would like you to test out wing-night at your local pub (St. Louis, Hoops). Scalpers will be offering below face-value tickets for this one BEFORE the game. The highlight of the Minnesota-Toronto all-time series is the Raptors nearly blowing a big lead after Minny intentionally fouled Eric Montross 5 straight times and saw him miss 8 FTs. They haven’t beaten us in Toronto for five years with the average margin of victory being 12 points.
Fri Dec 18th vs New Jersey: You didn’t need motivation to buy the hottest selling ticket in town but with Vince in Orlando, the only reason to shell out cash here is if you’d like to get an up-close glimpse of CDR – on the bench. This Friday night affair is only so because it was scheduled before the Carter trade. Skip this one in favor of eating Cheetos in bed. Unless of course you believe this to be true.
Fri Jan 22nd vs Milwaukee: Who does Milwaukee have again? Seriously, tell me one guy you’d like to see on this roster. I can only imagine the TSN2 promo for this game: Check out Chris Bosh and the Raptors go up against Dan Gadzuric and the Bucks! ONLY on TSN2!!! I’ll pass, Friday’s are better served drowning your sorrows in a bottle of Chivas Regal. Aged 16 years at the very least.
Wed Feb 17th vs Memphis: I heard the Grizz fired their entire scouting team. Too bad they stopped there and didn’t go on to can the coach, the GM, the mascot, the PA guy, the marketing department, the broadcast team and the fans. To think that this team moved from Vancouver because they thought things would be better in Memphis. Every time you feel crappy about the Raptors just say to yourself: At least we’re not the Grizzlies. It’ll take more than Rudy Gay and the other Gasol brother to get people to come out during a 35-cm snowstorm.
Wed Mar 10th at Sacramento 10:00 PM ET: You got work early and have to make a decision between sweet slumber and watching Kevin Martin go 1 on 5. This should be a no-brainer. I’d be more motivated to watch Season 14 of Lost than this “game”. The only reason to stay up late is to see if the Maloof brothers finally managed to get themselves some women that don’t look like drapes.
Wed Mar 31st vs Clippers: The only ones who show up at the annual Clipper game are those who bought the ticket after reading Los Angeles on the schedule and forgot that the city had two basketball teams. This has to be the slowest night of the year for ACC staff selling game programs since people just don’t care to know who Mardy Collins got pregnant in his freshman year at Temple. The schedule-maker shows us his smarts by putting this one on a Wednesday – wing night at Philthy McNasty’s.
Honorable mention: The other Memphis and Clipper game.