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The Case for an Inflatable Raptor All-Star Selection

The NBA All Star festivities are only one sleep away! Basketball fans across the globe are giddy with excitement as the league prepares to showcase its biggest stars. A recent plethora of All Star injuries has understandably quieted much of the talk regarding snubs. DeMarcus Cousins, Damian Lillard, Kyle Korver and Dirk Nowitski will all…

The NBA All Star festivities are only one sleep away! Basketball fans across the globe are giddy with excitement as the league prepares to showcase its biggest stars.

A recent plethora of All Star injuries has understandably quieted much of the talk regarding snubs. DeMarcus Cousins, Damian Lillard, Kyle Korver and Dirk Nowitski will all end up getting their deserved spots on the teams.

However, one of the greatest ongoing snubs in modern day All Star history continues to fly under the radar. He’s a natural at his craft, a special talent and a professional in every sense of the word. So why does the league continue to ignore the Inflatable Toronto Raptor?

Last years injury-lost season aside, the Inflatable Raptor has never been included in the annual showcase of the leagues best. Even more bizarre, the non-inflatable Raptor is a regular at All Star Weekends and is continually welcomed by the league and his peers.

 

Why the Inflatable Raptor Deserves All Star Recognition

The traditional inflatable All Star routine is essentially broken down in three segments. The first features a standard one line or in this case, two-one line set:

 

There’s little doubt that the Raptor can keep up with this. Footwork and timing has never been an issue regardless of the music genre:

 

Segment two: The Tootsie Roll. At this level of mascotting performances like these should be automatic. Standard combinations. Basic timing. Fundamentals. However, Benny the Bull nearly derailed the 2013 edition after confusing his left and right:

Meanwhile, the side-to-side motion is an area where the Raptor not only competes but also thrives:

 

The final segment is what makes this event special. During the Open Floor the mascots have free reign. A blank canvas to paint their stories:

Any way it’s broken down that Open Floor –an Open Floor that apparently the Inflatable Raptor wasn’t good enough for- was appalling.

 

Top Three Problems with 2013 Open Floor

  1. G Wiz

Gee whiz, G Wiz is terrible. He’s a poor man’s gonzo and unable to complete even the simplest of inflatable-mascot moves, the headstand. At an All Star game. Unacceptable.

  1. The New Orleans Hornet

What a disaster. If dancing like a mom at a wedding is your thing than this mascot is for you. Zero originality. No skilled maneuvers or even attempts to perform something that would warrant an All Star selection. All of a sudden the original Pierre Pelican doesn’t seem so bad.

  1. Blaze the Trail Cat

First of all, this guys name is worth the price of admission. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for his floor routine. A running header followed by side-to-side headshake. Let’s hope he was drunk.

And while all this was happening the Inflatable Raptor sat at home. It’s insane. Imagine him on that Open Floor? Two words: eating someone.

He’s a Raptor. To have him devour someone on court isn’t only hilarious, it’s factually accurate. A live Raptor would absolutely eat a human on a basketball court, All Star Weekend or not. The ability to entertain while at the same time educate is a truly rare gift.

And unlike some of his industry peers, the Inflatable Raptor isn’t afraid to take risks. Chancing an embarrassing moment or even injury for the sake of entertainment is what being an All Star performer is all about.

The evidence is overwhelming and the fact that this even needs to be discussed is an embarrassment to the league. Commissioner Adam Silver seems to be quite captivated with gambling lately. If maintaining a credible product is important to him adding the Inflatable Raptor to All Star Weekend is his best bet.