Report: Raptors sign Juancho “Stop looking at me, Swan” Hernangomez to a one-year deal

Adam Sandler finally fucking did it!

All those years of wearing clothes that don’t fit him wandering the back alleys of continental Europe have finally paid off…

Okay, sorry, I forgot this is a newser about a real NBA player not Billy Madison and fictional ones.

The Toronto Raptors have signed Juancho Hernangomez, best known for his role as Bo Cruz in the VERY mediocre, and overly celebrated, movie Hustle, to a one-year deal.

This is less of a surprise that it happened and more of a surprise it hadn’t happened the moment Juancho was waived by the Utah Jazz on June 30th.

He’s another Masai dream type: 6’9″ with a 7’0″ wingspan (according to craftedNBA.com) who can’t shoot for shit and hasn’t proven to be a legitimate slasher.

I joke because of Toronto’s penchant for dudes who don’t hoist with any efficiency. Juancho has shown flashes from three. His career average is 35% on 2.4 attempts. He’s not going to give you much in the way of attacking, though; the majority of his scores last year were assisted and 84% of his shots were with zero dribbles.

Juancho’s another one of those guys where the idea of him has yet to be greater than his actual production; Toronto will be his 6th team in as many years. Despite his length and speed and height, Juancho’s not averaged any basic statistic demonstrating those physical characteristics: 5.9 points, 3.4 rebounds, 0.4 steals, and 0.2 blocks in 15 minutes a game over the course of his career.

That said, if there’s a system to emphasize those traits and leverage them to their ultimate capacity – or at least give Juancho the opportunity to do so – it’s with the Toronto Raptors.

He’ll play a role much like we’ve seen from other lanky athletes of recent: Yuta Watanabe, Isaac Bonga, Justin Champagnie, D.J. Wilson, Stanley Johnson, Paul Watson and so on.

He’ll run, hustle, play defence, score on Hail Mary passes running the sidelines, and FINGERSCROSSED hit open 3s. He’s a low risk, beautiful man who fits perfectly in archetype and I would guess as a teammate too.

Welcome to the team, Bo.

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