The Raptors just signed Joey Dorsey for the remainder of the season. The first thing that came to mind was if I’m going to explain Joey Dorsey to the Raptors fans who aren’t familiar with him, it’s going to feel like one of those overly friendly, happy and annoying training videos you have to watch when you start working retail in a clothing store or some kind of restaurant. Here goes:

Hey, there! So you’ve decided to sign Joey Dorsey to be a part of your professional basketball team; that’s awesome! Joey’s a monster of a man and he’s sure to kill it on the boards. You should be super-psyched to have him as a part of your organization. He’s a huge guy – 6’8” and around 270 pounds (sorry but like most Americans, your metric system confuses me and I can’t do the math to tell you how many meters and grams he is).

Just how big is 6’8” and 270 pounds? That’s big enough to fit three and a half Earl Boykins inside and still have room for a reading lamp. Joey Dorsey has been somewhat of a D-league champion, getting groomed for the smaller stage with competition that he can learn against. But you’re probably asking yourself, “Just what is Joey Dorsey going to bring to MY Raptors?”

Super question and thanks for asking!

Here’s what you need to know about Joey Dorsey:

  • He’s already your second best post defender behind Reggie Evans. He’s a big, quick and agile big man who can’t be bullied inside.
  • He’s a very apt rebounder. He won’t ever play big minutes for your team nor should he. But when he’s in, you’re unlikely to lose the rebounding battle for those few minutes. He rebounded around 12 per 36 minutes with the Kings. Before that he was close to 17 per 36 minutes with the Rockets.
  • He’s a very likable person. He’ll talk to you and be quite engaging. He just seems to like to have a good time.

But here are some things to remember with Joey that you’ll want to put in the back of your brain in case it ever comes up.

  • Don’t ever let him make a basketball decision outside of rebound and outlet pass.
  • Make sure the clocks in his apartment and vehicles are set to the correct time. The Kings released him with just a couple of weeks left in the season because they were worried about his character. It’s not that he’s a bad guy at all. But apparently, rumors are that he didn’t show up to some practices and workouts on time. The Kings were worried about this kind of laissez-faire attitude rubbing off on the young Kings core so they decided to release him. I’m guessing a non-playoff team releasing a young, defensive-minded big man with not much time remaining in the regular season when it isn’t an attempt to save money or open up a roster spot can be a little alarming for some people.
  • Because of this issue with not taking things seriously (like showing up on time), you probably shouldn’t let him near guys like Sonny Weems or DeMar DeRozan.
  • He’s going to foul and foul a lot. If you thought Greg Oden had fouling issues, just wait until you get a hold of Joey Dorsey.
  • Be sure not to feed him after midnight.

And that’s about it! Now you should be armed with the knowledge and tools for rooting for Joey Dorsey. You’re going to love the way he jokes around with guys on the bench. If you have any further questions or concerns about this or any of your team rooting needs, please feel free to ask your local general manager.

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