MIAMI—Heat forward Chris Bosh confirmed Sunday he plans on dribbling around and shooting hoops alone in his driveway during the NBA lockout. “I want to keep playing the high-caliber basketball I’m accustomed to, so until someone calls me back, I’ll be in my driveway pretending Karl Malone is defending me and I’m on the 1997 Chicago Bulls,” Bosh told reporters, adding that he’d recreate pressure-filled game situations by making crowd noises with his mouth as he played. “The NBA doesn’t seem like it wants to work out a deal, so I hope other players will join me. I mean it; guys are welcome to come over anytime. I’ve got cold Gatorades in the fridge and video games for when it gets dark. Please, someone, come over.” Bosh reconfirmed multiple times that the backboard on his hoop is, in fact, Plexiglas, “just like a real NBA one.”

Source: The Onion

  • Aa

    Lol Bosh is jokes!

    • Marc

      Actually, I believe the Onion wrote those jokes

  • Paradigm Shift

    People….. look at the the source …. The Onion

    • Bendit

      Goes to show how slow the NBA world is. Even the Onion couldn’t do better than use/choose a second banana type player to do a number on.

      • Paradigm Shift

        If memory serves, I don’t think this is this first time they have “quoted” Bosh. He is more than a little teasible…just ask Shaq

        • Juicey

          Yeah, Bosh is slowly (or maybe quickly) becoming the whipping boy of the NBA.  The quick punchline to use that everyone will find funny.  I suppose being called Rupaul doesn’t help, looking like a cross between a dinosaur and Alien vs. Predator makes things worse too.  But ultimately I think crying in the locker room did him in.

          I’m sure not too many people in Toronto mind his new reputation…..Like a Bosh!

    • Gradgrind101

      This is what I heard…

      Bosh called all his friends and told them he wanted to host a 3 on 3 event. Seems like a pretty good idea…Bosh, Wade and James take on the world. He called on the press to cover this thing but no one was interested. He claimed to have Gillette lined up as a sponsor but when they were contacted they said “We would only be interested if the players consisted of A list NBA stars. Unfortunately we can’t sell this if B list players like Bosh starts to cry when he loses.” I heard the only sponsor his agent could get was Veet and only if he does the Veet test on his head…You know shave half his head with a razor and put Veet Bikini wax strips on the other half.

      I don’t know…Just saying this is what I heard…

  • Childs

    Man the NBA has to come back quick, if this is the news that is being reported on the republic. 

    • p00ka

      Pretty sad isn’t it? As much as I love being a fan of Canada’s team, it’s sometimes tough putting oneself in the same boat as Toronto sports “fans”. The kind of mentality that develops with nothing but losing teams (whatever sport) for so long, I guess. Hard to relate.

      • Gradgrind101

        Not sure whether it’s more painful not having an NBA season or to suffer through a hellish 2011/2012 raptor season…Either way it hurts…

      • points

        poohpooh do yo need a hug ?

  • Mack North

    Get over it.

  • SR

    Need to introduce some people to the Onion, apparently. Hint: if you are taking this seriously on ANY level, you just missed the joke.

    • Theswirsky


      I actually thought it was funny and fitting actually.   

  • Gradgrind101

    Notice CB dreams in the past not in the future…

  • Big D


  • Tbihis

    multi welcome back man!!!

  • points

    do the same to the pussiess name punani

  • Onemanweave

    After seeing the way Bosh duped Raptor management and fans, players may be hesitant to believe he’ll actually be there.
       He could take off for Bron’s house at any time where he’ll act as score keeper while James and Wade play one-on-one, leaving those who took him at his word holding the empty plexiglass.

  • Jeffrey Thompson

    Hey never duped Raptor fans.  Everyone and their grand mother knew he was on his way out.  In fact, I was happy for the guy.  He played very well, despite not getting the ball much and having to taking more shots from the perimeter than the low block which he is more accustomed to.

  • Allison_Mathis

    he played very well despite not getting the ball much?…you blind? we fed that faggot to the point he believed his own overinflated worth. bosh came into the l humble and ended up being a stat padding 3rd fiddle traitorous bitch.


  • Jsglj

    bosh duped fans and management by going against his word that he would keep the raptors brass abreast of what his decision would be in order to help them with their own trade options…rather than keep his word and update the brass, bosh twitted about the time of his life and kept his cards close to his vest.  

  • Nilanka15

    Bosh didn’t owe anything to Toronto, or the Raptors.  This is a business.  No room for hurt feelings. 

    We were better off not signing Bosh to a max contract anyway, so in a round-about way, it worked out for our best interests.