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The “I like to be spanked” edition:

Barbosa: if anything, watching Calderon go down may have just taken any possibility of him packing his bags by Thursday out of any discussion. That or we now have a true test of Colangelo’s man love for Leandro.

Bargnani: the return of the lady killer. Limited minutes, rustier than a sprinkler left out all winter, and about as game ready as a two legged basset hound.

Bayless: next couple of weeks will be a true test to see if he is able to take a back seat and give up shots to other guys. He should be out there getting more people involved than a blonde at a porno shoot. Let’s see him step up.

Calderon: he was either trying to do the Dougie while dribbling a basketball or he twisted his ankle to resemble a twisty straw. That looked more painful than watching CP24 at 4am while nursing.

Davis: it shocked me that he only put up 8 and 5 considering he seemed to have a hand in a lot of plays in his 24 minutes. Loving his energy lately and the extended practice time has brought it out. That said, I would still have more faith in a kangaroo at the free throw line. A blindfolded one. Shooting backwards.

DeRozan: while the entire team played like they just found out they had herpes, DeMar played like he found out he was the cause. Granted that the Pistons probably drew up their defensive game plan to zero in on him (not knowing if Andrea would be back) but still, he played 37minutes with probably 15 of those in garbage-related time and the Pistons no longer covering him like he was George Clooney at a brothel.

Forbes: guess who got to put his slinky away and was invited to play with the other reindeer??  Nooooo, not Rasual Butler, silly…..Gary Forbes!! The pride of Panama came out and stole the show. The only other positive thing he could have done was beat the snot out of that horrendous Piston mascot.  12 points in 16 minutes (granted, mostly garbage) was the only beacon of light for us tonight.

Gray: well one positive is he didn’t have the sole of Monroe’s shoe imprinted on his face at the end of the game. Statistically he faired fine, but his game resembled someone looking for their glasses in a dark room.

A. Johnson: 6 points and 5 rebounds in 17 minutes against his old team just doesn’t cut it. He kinda looked like someone had kicked over his sand castle, peed on it, then gave him a wedgie.  Somebody did and his name is Lawrence Frank. How embarrassing is that?!?!

J. Johnson: you knew what was coming when in the pregame our pals in the studio were giving James enough dap to swell both his heads. To say his parents are currently considering disowning him is letting him off lightly. An American Idol contestant with laryngitis and the physical attributes of a whale would perform better than Johnson in this game.

Kleiza: and then there was Linas. My dog has been sprawled out on my carpet all day. The only time he has left that spot has been to pee, defecate and eat. There were times I thought he actually might be dead. How did I know he wasn’t? He would pass gas, and even as badly as it smelled, it was a floral fragrance compared to the 23 minutes of court time that Linas saw.

Magloire: gave up a couple of hard fouls, watched younger guys blow by him and looked like a buffoon.  All hail the best Raptor signing of the off season.

Driving the bus: Gary Forbes

Under the bus: Linas Kleiza

Theme of the Game:

  • http://twitter.com/KevinKHuang Kevin Huang

    they put up a performance #TankNation would be proud of

  • Thewulf222

    i’m normally on point with the jokes here but could someone explain the CP24 joke to me

    • Dinkin

      city pulse 24, its a 24 hour Toronto news station. A bad one.

  • Ppellico

    i don’t know…gray seemed like the only guy who did show up.
    you gonna balme him on his floormates playing such poor defense?
    Or is it it his fault nobody around him could make a basket?
    the kid played well.
    but you are a clever writer.

    • DC

      Get off gray’s dick son every game you write about him. I don’t get it you must be the only person in the world with an aaron gray poster up in your room. 

  • Valit

    I feel bad for Spain..they must have pissed in Somebody’s drink; just waiting to hear ” I told you so” from those whom I argued with regarding Jose and injuries..; As Jack said, now we will find out what the other PG’s can do and maybe what kind of point guard this team needs in order to move forward. On a side note, if it is a grade 3 ankle sprain, he might be out for the season. Tanking nation rejoice…

    • CJT

      Sprained ankle doesn’t have anything to do with being injury prone.  Fluke injury.

  • cesco

    The funniest roll call of the year , a good laugh after watching an horror show .

    • Shaimang

      totally

  • RapthoseLeafs

    .

    Well …at least someone was on their game. 

    Thanks Alt – you took away the pain in my head. 
    .

  • Lorenzo

    AltRaps never disappoints.

    Some are bummed out by the extermination of any chance of a Jose trade, but it’s really a blessing in disguise… get well JC.

  • Reg

    Calderon had to get injured to offset the return of Bargnani and subsequently keep the tanking alive.

  • nba_socrates

    Now Bayless is free to prove to all you doubters hes the best PG in the world. Hope calderon is out for the season soo you can see how jerryd can ball without having to watch his back all the time

    • Ryan

      This is sarcastic, right…? In the world…?

      • nba_socrates

        nope you will see what Bayless is made of when he destroys the bucks and the rest of the nba teams. Forget about linsanity. The era of Baylesstricity has arrived

        • Sam Holako

          Baylesstricity!! I’m going back to bed, that was too much.

        • drizz

          lol  rotd

    • Pizzaman

      No one is worried about Bayless having to watch his own back, but people would like to see him watch his teammates backs, maybe actually get others the ball once in awhile.

  • RenaldoSugarbush

    Johnny Flynn is just sitting on the bench in Houston. He can be had cheap and is still a good young point guard.

    • LifeIsntNBA2k

      and what makes you think he’s good?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SJT6LQ6HZQWMPJMT22LTN24UUY Antonino Ferraro

    Bad news. Without Calderon and Carter (unbelievable), we don’t have a really point gard. Bayless is not. AB was rusty and he didn’t do nothing to a team. But we have to wait a few games. Tonight he will probably play better. The game was over after 5 minutes. BC is very very happy…..lol

    • Destro

      With Calderon out,we might see a fastbreak runned properly…

  • Sam Holako

    “while the entire team played like they just found out they had herpes, DeMar played like he found out he was the cause.”

    Hahaha!!

    Awesome roll call

  • John

    Time to trade AB NOW !!! You all saw what happened last night. Amir, our main man, the heart and soul of this team, our most efficient weapon offensively seemed lost and out of place. DD was the same. AB is the poison for  the chemistry of this team. Trade him BC. We are better team without him.

    • Lorenzo

      “We are better team without him.”

      Hmmm…

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SJT6LQ6HZQWMPJMT22LTN24UUY Antonino Ferraro

       We can trade you too…lol

  • RapsM

    Well, people were afraid we werent gonna get as good a pick with Bargs coming back so in that case its good calderons out

  • Ppellico

    DC

    who you foolin.
    We all know you go by different screen names since you have been banned everywhere….

    what an ingury you must have had to do such damage to your personality.
    was it something your dad, or perhaps your mom…or maybe it was a woman.

    then again…maybe it was a man who hurt you

    • P00ka_is_a_fish

      the person who hurt him was ME