Quick Reaction

Reaction: Raptors MCMXII, Bucks IX (Can’t Find the Writer Who Is Supposed to Write This)

1510495_1858096724331044_2072763447_n

We apologize profusely, but we can’t seem to find the guy who was supposed to write tonight’s Quick Reaction.

We apologize profusely, but we can’t seem to find the guy who was supposed to write tonight’s Quick Reaction.

Milwaukee Bucks 94 Final
Recap | Box Score
116 Toronto Raptors
Amir Johnson, PF Shot Chart 20 MIN | 3-8 FG | 0-0 FT | 6 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 6 PTS | +5

Awesome pawsum. If he was a unicorn, he’d be pink, have amazing breasts, and ride a dragon into wars against an army of aliens who all look like Kyle Korver.

Jonas Valanciunas, C Shot Chart 32 MIN | 5-10 FG | 7-10 FT | 10 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 4 TO | 17 PTS | +23

His pump-fake sent Mercury into retrogade.

Kyle Lowry, PG Shot Chart 30 MIN | 6-8 FG | 7-7 FT | 2 REB | 5 AST | 4 STL | 1 BLK | 0 TO | 23 PTS | +15

When he sleeps, he breathes fire. Can kill a man by staring into his eyes.

DeMar DeRozan, SG Shot Chart 33 MIN | 8-16 FG | 3-5 FT | 7 REB | 7 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 1 TO | 19 PTS | +13

At halftime had Ilyasova’s family kidnapped and held hostage.

Terrence Ross, SG Shot Chart 26 MIN | 2-8 FG | 2-2 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 3 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 8 PTS | +30

His shot can be used to sharpen swords.

Patrick Patterson, PF Shot Chart 25 MIN | 7-11 FG | 3-4 FT | 4 REB | 2 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 18 PTS | +21

Once played a game of FIFA with God, he was Sheffield Wednesday, God was Bayern Munich. Won 10-0.

Chuck Hayes, PF Shot Chart 15 MIN | 1-4 FG | 0-0 FT | 4 REB | 1 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 2 PTS | +2

Banged the tooth fairy.

John Salmons, SF Shot Chart 27 MIN | 3-5 FG | 2-2 FT | 4 REB | 5 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 10 PTS | +16

Went to Walmart on Black Friday. To get groceries

Landry Fields, SF Shot Chart 4 MIN | 0-2 FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 0 PTS | -7

Showed up at my house as a carper-cleaner and tried to convince me to join a cult which believes in taking left turns only.

Steve Novak, SF Shot Chart 4 MIN | 1-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 3 PTS | -7

DNA tests have revealed he’s Jason Kapono’s biological father.

Austin Daye, SF Shot Chart 3 MIN | 1-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 2 PTS | -6

Still can’t connect moustache to goatee.

Greivis Vasquez, PG Shot Chart 21 MIN | 3-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 4 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 4 TO | 8 PTS | +5

Saw Event Horizon with his two-year old daughter. When she got scared, threatened starvation.

Dwane Casey

Sleeps on a bed of nails which have been sprinkled with acid. Takes a shower with windshield washer fluid and brushes teeth with bleach. The man is a man’s man.

Five Things We Saw

  1. Organization’s tank. Teams don’t.
  2. The Raptors are winning games they’re supposed to win.
  3. Boston will be a win, the question is will Minny?
  4. The only thing the Raptors could’ve done better is handle Milwaukee’s zone a little better in the second quarter.
  5. The Raptors are awesome to watch.
Comments
To Top