Top Ten Prophecies For Next Season

The men and women at the home-office in Athabasca, Alberta are working overtime. The category is Top Ten Prophecies For Next Season.

  1. The Raptors will have 4-7 new players and 4-7 new fans.
  2. Paper bags will replace jerseys as the best selling merchandise item.
  3. MLSE will officially change the meaning of ACC to “Armored Cash Cow”.
  4. Our new starting SG will have won some sort of tier-2 international league MVP award
  5. Chris Bosh will host a weekly podcast titled “Countdown to July 2010”.
  6. After being repeatedly declined a press-pass, Arsenalist will sneak his way into media day and get thrown out on his ass for calling Colangelo a c*#t!
  7. Carlos Delfino will return sporting even greasier hair gel, expensive new mascara and a deteriorated jumper. We’ll love him for it.
  8. Season ticket renewals will decrease considerably as a result of the recession while season ticket prices will increase as a result of the considerable decrease in season tickets renewals.
  9. Bryan Colangelo will hire an acclaimed Euro-league rookie head coach along with 5 full-time translators including a sign language teacher and an agility dog trainer.

…and the #1 prophecy for next season…drum roll….

  1. Expect the unexpected. The Raptors will make the Playoffs.

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