It’s nice to see you back with the Raptors. I’m glad Colangelo’s rewarding you with an assistant coach’s position for the service you’ve rendered this organization. You were always one of my favorite players, not because you were anything all-star but because you played hard. Still remember that game-icing Game 5 jumper in New York, to date the highlight of this sad franchise. So what you been up to? I read you were helping out kids at Villanova do their thing but other than that what’s up? You been keeping in touch with the L or are we going to have to get you ESPN classic?
I just hope you can get these guys to play hard because if there’s one thing we’ll expect from you as an assistant coach, its that you motivate these young ‘uns to play with the effort you played with. I’m guessing that’s the reason Colangelo got you back in town, when he said “toughness” I never thought he was talking about the assistant coaches, but hey, I’ll take any toughness anywhere. Let me ask you this, Jay’s a rookie coach, you’re a rookie assistant and Iavaroni’s a defensive-minded dude, which means there’s one spot on the bench left for that ultra-super-duper-experienced-white-haired coach to get the technical X’s and O’s up to speed. Who’s it going to be? I mean, I’m thinking we need a crazy old Tex Winter type guy who analyzes the playbook in the can and comes up with derivatives of the UCLA cut while he’s cuddling with his wife. Let me know who you think Triano’s got in mind for that “old head” he talked about.
Other than that, nothing much has changed. The team hasn’t done anything since you left, Vince turned out to be a bit of a pussy, Bosh plays harder but he’s not as talented as VC but you knew that already. Jose’s alright (we think) but you could do him a solid if you teach him that crossover + pull-up jumper that you had going when you were at your best. A thing about defense would be nice too, maybe you can convince him not to clap his hands, it looks silly and more importantly, it never works. Good luck with Roko too, he reminds me of a poor man’s version of you. Don’t take offense, you were far better, it’s probably just the size thing and the defense he plays that draws the similarity, not much more really.
You’ll probably meet this guy called Marcus in practice. He doesn’t really play for us, he just counts against our cap, don’t waste your time on him. If he ever strikes up a conversation with you just tell him you’re only supposed to speak with Raptors players, staff and media and that he’s none of the above. Looking forward to seeing what you can do for us, hopefully you’ll be the guy they talk to at those halftime interviews where the assistant coach just reads the stats and answers leading questions to tell us what we already know.
Try to stick with the Raptors for a few years and don’t be all surprised when you’re the head coach under a new GM, you know, kinda what happened to Triano. Fingers crossed. Also, are you going to be the assistant coach that holds back Jay when he starts snapping clipboards or are you going to be the fiery assistant who picks up technicals much to the amusement of everyone. I hope it’s the latter because I think Iavaroni’s eying that first duty.
Anyways man, that’s all I wanted to say. Keep in touch.