Sam Holako
*Completely accurate and not-at-all made up. Andrea Bargnani’s Hotel Bill Rigatoni al pollo x 3 Pizzas (pepperoni, mushroom, mozzarella) x 5 Multipulciano D’Abruzzo x 10 San Pellegrino x 15 Tartufo x 3 Moisturizing Hand Cream x 1 Sleep Mask x 2 Slippers, size XXL x 2 Note: Bedframe damaged, cracked in middle *************** Jason Kapono’s…
In our last game before the All-Star Break, 4th Assistant Coach Jay Triano is riding the bouncing pony tonight on the Replacement Coach Merry-Go-Round. Can’t wait to see which ill-advised lineups and defensive schemes he’ll break out to show Sam he should be “listened to”. TJ and Jose and Juan, all at the same…
Oh boy oh boy oh boy! The Heat are in town! Skippity-riffic! Mark Blount and Ricky Davis and Earl Barron! It doesn’t get better than this! What do you mean, it does? You’re not excited? Come on, get into the frame of mind! This is the NBA – Where Amazing Happens! Isn’t it amazing that…
On the weekend of Feb. 17, NBA’s most talented fashion criminals (plus some real criminals) will take over New Orleans for NBA All-Star weekend. But before we make a single obvious metaphor or smarmy condescending remark, I must tip my hat toque to the guys at Hardwood Paroxysm, who have defied all odds and actually…
Dear Senor Stoudamire, Como estas? My friends Juan Carlos and Pau have shared with me rumors of your unsatisfaction in Graceville. And today I awoke after a long night of drinking cervezas with beautiful women to read on major sports leader, the ESPN, that you are considering ze great powerhouse of Boston along with the…
Q: If we can’t beat farm teams like Philly, how are we supposed to take on Kevin Garnett’s Boston Beasts? A: The only way we can win is if they beat themselves. Even if the stars aligned and Kapono* decided to earn his cash, Bargnani remembered he’s supposed to be good, Jamario’s only shot attempts…
I woke up what-should-be-this-morning (actually the middle of the night, LA’s three hours behind for some stupid reason) to feel something gently nuzzling up against my leg. At first I thought my cousin was being fresh, but looking down there’s my computer, it’s cord between its legs, little apple nose softly glowing. I guess that’s…
Today, my mug’s filled with joy. It’s nice to be recognized. In case you’ve noticed a bit of buzzing in the comments section of the blog over the past week or so, this little island burg floating in the vast interocean has been found! Land HO! That’s right folks, due to lowered standards and the…
It’s a good way of keeping perspective. Eddie Curry. Zach Randolph. Stephon Marbury. Nate Robinson. These are four guys I’d pay NOT to be on my team. And while it seems like they might have talent (and fifteen SF/PF’s) on paper, take a look at their roster. Of course there’s no chemistry! I like exactly one player…
I’m going to save my words for after the game, but it goes without saying that this is a ‘must win’ game (and probably the only one Philadephia’s involved with this season). We have to win tonight. To restore the confidence of the fans (last game stung more than the franchise will admit), to restore…
Because my favorite sports team is a bunch of diaper-wearing noodle-soft fragile wimpy daffodils, I have to look elsewhere for my testosterone dose (and Remington’s isn’t my idea of a good time). Thankfully, American Gladiators is back!! Click here before you proceed to get in the zone. It’s only the most amazing show ever to hit the airwaves (and…
Dear Dinosty Readers, I’m sorry for yelling. Daddy (me) doesn’t really hate Mommy (Raptors), but sometimes when adults are mad they say things they don’t mean. Not in this case, however, as I meant every profane word I wrote about that bitch. What you need to understand is that Mommy’s a slut, and instead of…
